The Next Morning... (Noah)

[Christian Hart]

Well, shit.

Christian was awake, having slept for a grand total of two and a half hours, and afraid to move. Noah had woke up and he’d pretended to be asleep until the younger boy left, leaving Christian to his thoughts.

What was he going to do? He’d spent the majority of the night planning on what he was going to do after he was kicked out, but he had nothing. Getting a job would be his first priority, but until he could get an application, submit it, and get hired… what would he do until then? He’d already learned that sleeping outdoors was a bad idea, via Noah…

Fuck. Noah… the poor boy. Probably felt violated and angry. At least he hadn’t asked Christian to leave on the spot. Noah was kinder than that, he had to say, but he wondered how he’d feel if he’d gotten to second base with another guy (and he wasn’t gay).

Realizing he couldn’t just sit there all day, Christian got up and threw his clothes into the duffel bag he’d taken from his house, getting ready to leave. Once he was finished, he’d only have to thank Noah and his parents. And as hard as it was going to be, he’d have to face his actions and apologize to Noah.

Bag in hand, he crept down the stairs and entered the kitchen, spotting Noah immediately.

“Hi,” he offered, quietly, shrugging his bag onto his shoulder. “I, um, was wondering if you’d thank your parents for letting me stay here… I don’t want to wake them up.”

Hopefully he’d be able to apologize after he was acknowledged. Jesus, nothing had ever been as hard as this…

[Noah Malachi]

Noah didn’t know what to do, so he went downstairs to make coffee. He woke up early, having fallen asleep quickly the night before. The night before… shit. What was he going to do? What would he say to Christian? What could he say? They had made out on his bed. They’d been drunk, and yet…

And yet, he’d enjoyed it. It had been hot, it had been passionate. It had been spontaneous, and he’d never done anything quite as exhilarating before. It had been a good time, despite the fact that it had been with another boy. Or maybe not despite of, but because of. What would his father say if he found out? He didn’t even want to think about it. No, his father would never know about this. For everybody’s sake, this had to be between Christian and himself.

But the question still remained: what to do about Christian? Noah thought he was straight, at least, he hadn’t doubted that fact until last night. He already felt awkward, though. How does one bring about the fact that a drunken make out session was making him doubt his sexual orientation? Not casually, that much was certain. Yet the fact remained that he had grown close to Christian over the past week. They definitely had a connection, a tight friendship had grown, and he didn’t want that to be lost. If it was, then he had only himself to blame. If he hadn’t gotten Christian drunk, if he hadn’t submitted to his touch…

“ I, um, was wondering if you’d thank your parents for letting me stay here… I don’t want to wake them up.”

Noah hadn’t even heard Christian come down the stairs and into the kitchen, and almost jumped as the sound of his voice. His words also caught Noah by surprise. He was leaving? All of his belongings were packed into his bag, one of those things being Christian’s blazer from the night before. It had been neat, pressed, and stunning on him, and now it was crumpled into a duffel.

So this was it, then. Last night really had happened, and it had made both of them uncomfortable, Christian so much so that he wanted to leave. Noah didn’t want him to go, though, and rapidly searched through his brain for the right words to say.

“You don’t have to leave,” he started, but stopped abruptly, shaking his head. “I don’t want you to go,” he said, and in his mind it was that simple change in word choice that made all the difference. He was saying this as a friend. It wasn’t like Christian was to blame for the previous night. Noah was reminded of a lesson he’d once learned; people don’t do anything when they’re drunk that they wouldn’t think about doing when they’re sober. The only difference was that when you’re sober you can control your urges. When you’re drunk, you don’t think before you act. That was all…

[Christian Hart]

Christian watched Noah start slightly, turn around, and eye his belongings. He appeared to understand the gesture, but Christian wasn't sure how he felt about it, though he could see that Noah was going to try and convince him to stay

“You don’t have to leave- I don’t want you to go,”

The way Noah changed his words around made Christian feel a bit fluttery, relating the want expressed in them to the want he'd displayed last night. No, he had to stop thinking about it. Concentrating on the intensity of the past night would only make everything harder.

"Noah... I've exhausted your kindness as much as I can. Don't pretend that what happened didn't bother you; how couldn't it have? I know if I stay here... it'll just get complicated. I never thought I'd even... well, you know, in the first place, so who's to say I won't do it again? I don't want to risk that again, and I'm certain you don't either."

Hopefully Noah would be honest with him instead of insistently kind. Really, it was wonderful while it had lasted, but... Noah had to accept the fact that things weren't always so peachy keen.

[Noah Malachi]

Noah couldn’t help but find himself thinking about the night before. How sumptuous each and every moment had seemed, which was something he hoped wasn’t just the alcohol he remembered. It seemed like each time he thought about it things seemed to replay in his mind in slow motion, each moment exaggerated, each flaw illuminated as the perfection it really was. What a perfect contrast, the strict, severity of his family and the church, and the free, sensual, and unrefined actions of the past few hours. It had been liberating… but how could he explain that to Christian? How could he explain that to anybody?

"Noah... I've exhausted your kindness as much as I can. Don't pretend that what happened didn't bother you; how couldn't it have? I know if I stay here... it'll just get complicated. I never thought I'd even... well, you know, in the first place, so who's to say I won't do it again? I don't want to risk that again, and I'm certain you don't either."

Now that just wasn’t fair! Christian had no right to put himself down like that, blaming only himself for everything that had happened. It wasn’t like Christian had made out with him while he was unconscious or something! No, he had been awake, and sober enough to realize what was going on. And why was Christian acting like this was the end of the world? Wasn’t it possible that their kiss, his embrace, may have been a good thing? An eye-opening event for Noah? Good for both of them.

“For one thing, you weren’t the only one there. I wasn’t exactly resisting,” he said, blushing ever so slightly as he recalled – vaguely – pulling Christian down towards him after he had pulled away. “It takes four lips to kiss,” he added, his tone quieter than it had started out. He didn’t want his parents to wake up and overhear.

“Listen, I’m not going to say that I’m not shocked, and confused, but… you can’t leave. Not after everything that’s gone on,” he said. He wondered how Christian would take these words. He was referring to himself. Now that he was confused, unsure as to what to do about the fact that he hadn’t minded the past night’s events, he didn’t want Christian to leave him alone. Christian may have thought he was just referring to all the drama with Christian’s parents and such, though. “I’d like to think that we know each other better than that now,” he added. How could Christian honestly think he would want him back on the street?

“It was mainly my fault for getting you drunk anyway. I never should have done that…” he added, by way of an apology. That had been irresponsible of him. He just needed to stall long enough to convince him not to go.

(ooc- abhf;klanfcdjhaf;ldk. But at least it's something, since I have to go now, and I promised you I'd post.)

[Christian Hart]

“For one thing, you weren’t the only one there. I wasn’t exactly resisting. It takes four lips to kiss."

Christian flushed at the 'lips' comment, remembering Noah's on his and how good it felt, how wonderful it was to feel so hot and desired, hands pulling and touching him... Trying to push those thoughts away and concentrate, he wondered for a moment whether or not Noah remembered it as vividly as he did, but dismissed the idea in an instant, instead focusing on what he was saying.

“Listen, I’m not going to say that I’m not shocked, and confused, but… you can’t leave. Not after everything that’s gone on. I’d like to think that we know each other better than that now."

Mouth groping for words, he couldn't find any to respond, to describe his own confusion at Noah's words. Sure, they were close, but certainly he was uncomfortable with the situation. Christian knew that if he was in Noah's position, he'd be freaked.

Unless... Christian nearly refused to think it, but a part of him was hopeful that maybe Noah did get some sort of satisfaction from their drunken spell. That made him blush even more, and he remained silent, though his eyes suggested submission to Noah's suggestions.

“It was mainly my fault for getting you drunk anyway. I never should have done that…”

"Don't say that," he chided gently, voice exasperated more by guilt than annoyance, "I shouldn't have drank anything, it was a poor choice..."

But then again, if he hadn't taken those swigs of whiskey, he may have never felt that heat, that desire... damn, he had to stop thinking about it!

Shifting his bag to the other shoulder, Christian remained frozen to his spot with indecision. On one hand, everything Noah said made complete sense, and he should've been grateful just to feel welcome after what'd happened. Living on the streets for no real reason wasn't a terribly cozy thought, and from what was said, staying at the Malachi's home would prove to be a much more comfortable solution.

However, Christian was still concerned that Noah was just exercising the golden rule for religious purposes, despite the fact that he'd proven to be fairly rebellious when it came to their drinking. And even more, he was worried, what with all the thoughts running through his head, that he wouldn't be as strong if there was a next time; his resolve had failed him once, it could fail him again, even when not inebriated. He couldn't help but wonder if the situation was similar to the one that had occurred the previous night, where he had to be the more insistent, stronger person...

[Noah Malachi]

Reassured by Christian’s own blush, Noah wondered if the two were thinking of the same thing. That only caused his cheeks to redden even more, though, and he turned his mind to other things so that his face wouldn’t stay so warm and red. After all, he was trying to convince Christian to stay, not scare him off by seeming embarrassed or something.

Though Christian didn’t say anything, Noah didn’t think that he needed to; his eyes gave away most of what he was feeling. Noah hoped that he was slowly winning his peer’s compliance on the issue, gaining his confidence one word at a time. He was extra careful not to say anything that might upset Christian, though, because one wrong word and he knew there would be no convincing him to stay.

"Don't say that. I shouldn't have drank anything, it was a poor choice..."

Noah just shook his head. “Then the blame is shared equally between us,” he determined, not minding that conclusion at all. That meant that whatever had happened was just as much because of Noah as it was because of Christian, and that seemed honest. “Fair enough.”

Noah was pleased to see that Christian appeared to be rooted to the spot. He wasn’t trying to make for the exit any more, though he wasn’t convinced that he should stay either. How could he not, though? Noah knew he had no place to go, and no job to support himself with. Back to the park, then? That was ridiculous.

“You can’t honestly leave,” he said simply, as though Christian had no say in the matter. “You don’t have anywhere else to go. You can’t live on the streets, and you don’t have a job… just put your stuff back upstairs,” he said, this last phrase taking on the hints of a pleading tone.

“Plus, sharing a room is getting me ready for college. You don’t want me to get spoiled again, do you?” Noah joked, hoping that maybe if he distracted Christian from the real issue at hand for a moment he’d just agree to stay. He doubted it would work, but Noah was running out of tactics here.

[Christian Hart]

“Then the blame is shared equally between us. Fair enough... You can’t honestly leave. You don’t have anywhere else to go. You can’t live on the streets, and you don’t have a job… just put your stuff back upstairs... Plus, sharing a room is getting me ready for college. You don’t want me to get spoiled again, do you?”

Christian listened to Noah's rationalizations and pleas, his demeanor softening as he managed a chuckle at the 'spoiled' bit. Of course he was right. There was no way Christian could leave at that point, not if he valued his own well-being - and he did. Also, Noah's pleading tone didn't help him stand firm on his position; while he wasn't normally one to give in, Noah, like Zeke, had a strange effect on his usual insistence.

"Alright," he conceded quietly, giving a weak smile, "Don't twist my arm over it."

Setting his bag down gently on a kitchen chair, he approached Noah - not too close for comfort, but to provide an air of confidentiality between them. He still needed to know something, and even though he would stay regardless of his answer, Christian felt he deserved an honest answer, to ease his own worries.

"But Noah," he began softly, almost afraid to let the words escape into the air, "please, tell me now... are you at all... disgusted by me?"

Disgusted wasn't exactly the word he was looking for, but he wasn't sure of what else to use in place of it. Of course Noah wouldn't mention it while he was trying to convince him to stay, but maybe he still housed some anger or repulsion at what they'd done. Christian just wanted to know if there was any before there were moments where Noah would flinch when he came near, or avoid the topic like the plague.

[Noah Malachi]

Noah felt his nervousness rising with every second that passed and Christian didn’t give a response. They stood there, a silence forming and hanging heavily in the air between them as each was absorbed in their own thoughts. Noah knew that Christian was debating whether or not it was better for him to leave, and that thought pained Noah. Even if he was upset about their late-night excursion, he wouldn’t have blamed Christian. If anything, he should have been thanking Christian for stopping him from going too far when neither of them had been in the proper state to do anything serious.

It was only when Noah received a quiet chuckle from Christian that he knew he was making an impact on him. He was softening his disposition. The weak smile on Christian’s face was his first sign of defeat. Well, not defeat really, but more acceptance of the fact that he really didn’t have a choice in the matter. No one would benefit from his leaving and living on his own.

"Alright. Don't twist my arm over it."

Noah smiled back, stronger and more confident than before. Christian was going to stay. He’d been afraid that his careless actions before had ruined the friendship that had formed over the past week or so, but now he had managed to save their relationship with his persistent nature. Who said being stubborn had to be a bad thing?

But things weren’t solved yet. As Christian set his bag down and walked towards him, Noah wondered what he was going to do. He didn’t flinch back at all, and Christian stopped just a foot or so away from him, so that they no longer had to speak across the kitchen to each other. Christian’s voice was quiet and Noah shifted only slightly to hear him better.

"But Noah, please, tell me now... are you at all... disgusted by me?"

Noah’s breath caught in his throat. What could he answer to that? It had been poised so delicately, and he could almost sense Christian’s fear at what the answer might be. What if he said yes? Then what? Would Christian still stay there, or would he change his mind and leave anyway? Of course, Noah thought the question was ridiculous. Of course he didn’t, or else he wouldn’t have asked him to remain living there. It had been his shock at the fact that Christian thought this of himself, and not at his actual answer to the question, that had caused him pause.

Christian had acted on impulse, but Noah couldn’t blame him for that. After all, if no one ever did anything, what kind of world would this be? And they hadn’t done anything regrettable, even if Noah had been disgusted by their kissing. What was a kiss or two, in the grand scheme of things? What Christian needed was reassurance. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, especially with how his own flesh and blood had reacted to his being gay – forbidding it! No wonder he needed acceptance and assurance after every little thing he did.

“No,” he replied, just as softly. His parents would be waking up soon, and he didn’t want them to overhear if they did. “Not at all. If I were disgusted by you, then I would also be disgusted with myself,” he pointed out. Christian kept blaming himself for these things, when it had been both of them that had done them. Noah paused again, making sure he was wording the things he said correctly as they spoke of such a delicate subject. He found that he was a little apprehensive about the subject, though. He wasn’t gay, at least, he didn’t think he was. What was throwing him off was how willing he had been the night before. Now, looking back, he felt a little awkward about the whole thing. But that was only to be expected, since he had never done anything like that before, and he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t protested. Even drunk he still had some of his senses about him, so did that mean that subconsciously he had wanted to all along? There was too much to think about, and now wasn’t the time to do it.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” It was true. He was just worried about himself now. What was he doing? Did he like Christian? Of course he felt for him, as a close friend, but… as more? Noah was more confused now than he had been last night, which was saying something, but he knew that Christian leaving wouldn’t solve anything, and that was all that mattered at the moment.

((ooc- I had planned on something, but… it just didn’t feel right. I hate when that happens. I feel like I've been writing forever and didn't really say anything, which also sucks. Ah well, such is life.))

[Noah Malachi]

And then Noah's parents came down the stairs, and things got very awkward. Then Noah and Christian went to school. Things were still awkward, but they ignored it. The end.