Breaking the News

[Noah Malachi]

((ooc- this is going to be for my benefit mostly. And Dani's, to keep plot and reactions consistent. ^_^ ))

Noah couldn’t believe the turn of events. After a heartfelt and honest conversations with Christian, many things had become obvious. Things which had been confusing and troubling to him before had become clear, and he knew exactly what he had to do. He had to come out of his figurative closet. He didn’t plan on shouting anything from the rooftops, but he didn’t plan on hiding anymore either. He loved Christian, he cared about him more than he had cared about anyone other than his family ever before. And Christian cared about him enough to say he was willing to live in secret. Christian, who had gone through so much just to be honest about how he was, had been willing to hide again just to make Noah happy. And that was when it hit him. That was no way to live. Stealing glances in the hallway, secret smiles, sneaking about everywhere… they could have so much more than that. That didn’t mean he was going to jump up on the tables in the cafeteria at lunch or steal the PA system at school to announce it to the entire school, but it did mean that he was going to talk to Christian at school. It meant they would hold hands walking the halls. It meant they would kiss goodbye. It wasn’t anything special, but it was what Christian deserved to have. It was what they both deserved. A normal relationship.

While being openly with Christian didn’t mean doing anything special in his social life, it did require him to point-blank announce the news to one person: his father. Noah thought about putting it off, but he knew that whatever response his father was going to give would be 100 times worse if he heard the news through rumors around town or the church, unprepared. No, the news had to come from him, and it had to come straight away. No stalling, no waiting until the right time. They had finished painting his room, and now all there was left to do was wait for his father to come home. Christian was gone – it was best that he wasn’t around for a while, at least until Noah found out how his father was going to react. Christian had been thrown out of his own home, he could only imagine what would happen to him. Banished from the town? His mother knew already. She was in denial, the worse case he’d ever seen, but she was aware of what was going on. Willing to accept it or not, she knew and Noah didn’t feel obligated to tell her formally.

The door opened and closed downstairs and Noah felt his heartbeat quicken. He had never been so nervous for anything in his entire life. Despite this physical reaction, Noah was having no second thoughts. He knew that this was the right thing to do, he knew it was what he had to do in order to do what he wanted to do, which was follow his heart. And if doing what he knew was right for him meant being excommunicated from the church, or kicked out of his own home, then so be it.

Noah made his way down the stairs, knowing exactly where he would be able to find his father. In his study, at his desk, where he would jot down a few notes about his day before going upstairs to change before supper. He got to the closed door and stood outside for a moment, gathering his words in his head even though he knew full well that the second he opened his mouth they would abandon him. With a deep breath, Noah knocked.

((to be continued)

[Noah Malachi]

“Come in,”[/i] came the reply from inside the room. Noah placed his unsteady hand on the door handle and pushed down, opening the door slowly. His father was sitting there, back to him, at his desk. ”Yes?” Noah cringed. His father sounded impatient already. He had hoped to find him in a more pleasant mood, but he supposed he would have to do with what he had.

“Dad,” Noah started, knowing that there was no use torturing himself further by trying to stutter through small talk. “We need to talk. Well, I need to talk, and you need to listen. There’s something I have to tell you.” Okay, so maybe this whole ‘going smoothly’ idea had been a bit overly ambitious. In his head he had known what he wanted to say. He had a mini-speech prepared that he had said into his mirror twice that very afternoon, never faltering, never hesitating. A speech full of grand concepts such as acceptance and equality, and now it was all gone. His mind was blank each word forming only as he spoke it, and no sooner.

As Noah spoke his father’s pen slowed, the tip hesitating over a blank portion of paper, and when his son said he had something to tell him the writing came to an abrupt halt. There must’ve been something in his tone that made his dad worried because he just sat there for a long, silent moment, calculating. ”What is it, son?”[/i] he didn’t even turn around to face Noah. He could sense unpleasant news coming his way, though what it could be he couldn’t imagine. Failing a class? Fight at school? Crashed the car? Noah was a good kid, he couldn’t see him doing any of those things. So what was it?

“Dad, I… I need you to turn around and look at me. This is important.” Noah didn’t know where it came from, but he was suddenly in control of his words again. His confidence was building itself back up. He thought of Christian, imagined him standing beside him, holding his hand throughout all of this. The image was so comforting that he even clenched his right hand a little, imagining Christian’s where the empty space was. It was enough to get him started, at least.

Mr. Malachi turned around to face his son, the feeling of dread deepening. “Yes, son?”[/i] Noah’s confident look remained, but he made sure that it wasn’t anything that could be mistaken for defiant. ”Dad, I wanted you to hear this from me first. I just wanted to tell you that I think I’m gay.” There, the words were out. No beating around the bush, no using cryptic language. But no, that wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t enough. ”No, I don’t think I’m gay, I am gay. At least bi. What I’m trying to say is that I really care about Christian, and I want to be with him. We’re seeing each other now, and I wanted you to know.”

((still To Be Continued))

[Noah Malachi]

Noah didn’t know what to expect. He had just admitted to his father, the pastor at the local catholic church, that he was gay. That he was currently dating another guy. And if there was one thing Abel Malachi was good at, it was hiding what he was feeling. He could be laughing on the inside, or seething, or completely impartial, but all you would see on the outside was a calm, collected expression and tight, pursed lips. This was a dangerous moment of silence for Noah to stand there and endure. He had no idea whether he should try to argue his point and further explain himself or just keep his mouth shut and wait for a response.

”Well, I’m not going to kick you out, if that’s what you’re waiting to hear,”[/i] his father replied. ”But you know I can’ say that I’m okay with this. You know we don’t agree with… that way of life. It’s wrong. Sinful. For a man to—“[/i] Abel broke off. It was one thing to lecture generically about homosexuality to a group of like-minded people, but when it applied to his son it really wasn’t a concept he even wanted to think about, much less speak about.

Noah had to admit he was a little relieved at the news, no matter how angry or confused or disappointed his father may have been feeling about what he had just said. Knowing that however uncomfortable the situation at home may be from then on, at least he still had a home. He’d take what little he could get at this point.

”So the homeless boy made you a queer, then?”

The question came so suddenly, yet Abel asked it as if having a causal conversation with a friend about sports – he used the same tone that one would use to ask “so, you watched the game, then?” when discussing last night’s scores. Noah’s mind reeled. He expected his father to be angry, he expected him to not understand, but he hadn’t imagined that his first course of action would be to attack Christian. To blame Christian. And no matter how much easier that may have made things for Noah, he couldn’t just stand there and let it go down like that.

”No, dad. It isn’t like that. Christian didn’t make me anything. It isn’t something that you’re turned into. I just feel that connection, that sense of total comfort and happiness when you’re around someone. Dad, I-“ Noah was rambling now, just speaking to fill the silence. Speaking to explain himself, to help his father understand why he was doing these things, making these choices that he knew would hurt them as a family.

“STOP.” His father’s voice was raised, but not yelling. Not yet, anyway. Abel Malachi almost looked frightened. ”Don’t you dare tell me that you love this boy. You can spout all of this other nonsense until you’re blue, but I don’t want to hear that word used about that boy in my presence. Do you understand me?”[/i]

Noah nodded slowly, his heartbeat quickening again. ”Yes, sir.” He knew when it was time to argue and when it was time to give it and cut his losses.

((three guesses! That's right! To be continued. sorry if it slowly got worse and worse, as I wrote it got later and later and I got more and more tired. :-p ))

[Noah Malachi]

”Alright then. As a matter of fact, it might be best if we don’t discuss this again. If you’re going to go… traipsing about in public… then I will have to tell people that we’re trying to guide you back on the right path. That we know God hasn’t given up on you. And that’s exactly what I will be doing. Don’t think I’m going to let you stray from God because you’re my son and I want you to be happy. Happiness is nothing if you aren’t also doing right by the Bible.” [/i]

There was something terribly unnerving to Noah about the way his father was speaking to him now. He was that sort of calm that crazy people got in the movies before they murdered their families, or if they were possessed by something trying way too hard to act normal in order to not be discovered.

”I’m sorry this is going to hurt you,” Noah said, and it was true. He wasn’t sorry that he liked Christian, and he wasn’t sorry that he was coming out, but he was sorry that it had to influence his father’s life at the church.

”If you were really sorry, then you wouldn’t be going against everything I’ve ever taught you. I thought I raised you better than this, I--- It’s no use, is it? It’s like talking to a fucking brick wall!”[/i] Abel Malachi was losing his outward cool and calm, and that was almost more frightening to Noah than the calm itself. His father NEVER lost his composure. ”You know what? I’m your father. And you have to listen to my rules. I FORBID you to see him.”[/i] There was a smug look on his face now, as if he had found a way out of everything with this one sentence.

Noah’s mouth dropped. ”You… you what?” Noah had been prepared for anger. For hatred, to get kicked out or disowned, but for some reason the simple act of being forbidden to see Christian had never crossed his mind. And he was at a loss for words for a moment, which allowed his self-righteous father to continue talking.

”I forbid it. I know that you will be forgiven your sins, but so long as you live under my roof you will obey my rules, and I say that you can not see this boy. You’re young. You don’t understand how wrong you are, and how much you will regret this later. And as your elder, as your Father, it is my duty to show you the right path. You don’t know what’s good for you yet, but I do.”[/i]

Noah had no idea what came over him. Maybe it was all of the frustration at his father’s unwillingness to give him a chance. Perhaps it was his knowledge that he was in the right here. Or that damn smug smile on his father’s face, that look of moral superiority. Maybe it was just good ol’ teenage angst. But the next words out of his mouth were…

((cliffhanger! You’re just dying from the suspense, I know. TBC ))

[Noah Malachi]

“No.” the word came out before he had time to think about it.

”No?![/i] Noah’s father repeated incredulously.

”No. I’m not going to stop seeing him. And there isn’t a single thing you can do about it. Because you’re a respectable figure who recently took in a gay boy whose parents kicked him out. So you can’t kick out your own son for being gay, how would that reflect upon you? Not very Christian of you, that’s for sure. So no. I’m going to keep seeing Christian. And you can hate me, and you can belittle me or beat me or ignore my existence altogether, but I’ll be happy and that’s all that matters now. And I’ve done my best to be open and honest with you, and if that isn’t enough then I’m sorry.”

Noah had never talked back to his father before. He had never talked back to anyone before, ever, for any reason. And the look of shock that crossed Abel’s face was enough to give Noah the satisfaction that he had gotten to him. He had made his point, he had stood up for himself, and for Christian, and he was going to be happy. And if that landed him in a terrible situation then so be it. But he had done what he needed to do, and he was proud of himself.

His father speechless, Noah said goodnight and left the room, hoping there weren’t going to be any severe repercussions to his words the next day. All he knew was that tomorrow he would see Christian in school. And he would walk up to him and kiss him. And they would walk to class holding hands. And everything would be okay.