Shed This Skin, Be Born Again. {Desmond}

[doherty]

It was well into the afternoon and Josh was still laying in bed... motionless, really, just staring up at the ceiling. Stretched out on the bed, spread eagle, just trying to sink into the matress and stay in there a while. It was a few days into his stay at Desmond's house and, to be honest, he was getting a bit stir-crazy. He was so used to being outside all of the time and now he actually had a place to stay, so it was... weird. Different. Sometimes unbearable.

But then again, he had Desmond there. And that made up for most of the cabin fever. Seeing his face every mornnig... it was something special, something he hadn't had before. A pleasant addition to his otherwise affectionless life. Every time he saw Desmond he felt as though his heart swelled. If he did this relationship thing much longer, his heart would probably just burst from his chest.

Josh had heard people moving around the house all day - he had heard Desmond's mom leave, then his father... and he had heard Desmond walking around, sometimes singing to himself, sometimes humming, sometimes talking, sometimes silent. Part of him wanted to get out of bed, to spend time with his extremely amiable host, but the other part of him wanted to just stay in Desmond's brother's abandoned bed and memorize the texture of the ceiling.

And another part of him just wanted Desmond to come into the room.

[Desmond Giuseppe]

Desmond had been doing everything he possibly could to distract himself from seeing Josh while his parents were still home. It had been about a week since Josh moved in, well exactly a week pretty much. All week during school Desmond kept finding his thoughts drifting off to Josh. His school work wasn't hurting too much because he'd just study extra hard once he got home, but his lacrosse playing was. The other day during practice Desmond got so distracted during he was hit in the head with the ball three times when he was suppose to be paying attention. Since a helmet was required for lacrosse his head was ok, but his couch wasn't too happy. Since Desmond was captain he had to make sure he didn't make stupid mistakes like that.

Other than his problems with Lacrosse everything else had been running smoothly. His parents completely believe that Josh was straight and Desmond had been very careful not to show any signs of affection beyond that of friendship in front of them. The only problem was that since Josh had moved in him and Desmond had had no alone time. Desmond's mother was always home before him because she was a first grade teacher and basically got out when the kids did and Desmond always had to stay after school for lacrosse or band. Today was different though.

It was finally the weekend and that meant his parents would be going out on their usually all day errands so that left Desmond all alone with Josh! Desmond had been waiting patiently the whole day for his parents to go out and when they finally did he head straight for Josh's room which used to be his brother, Rain's, old room. Even though at first Desmond was cool with the whole just snuggling thing he was a horny teenage boy after all and wanted a bit more than that. . . . He knew there was know way Josh was going to start anything so Desmond, who felt a little slutty and uncomfortable about it, knew he was going to have to get the ball rolling if he wanted something to happen.

Josh was still in bed when Desmond slipped into his room. Perfect. Desmond grinned and went to join Josh in bed. He didn't say anything he just laid on his side next to Josh and began to lightly kiss him on the lips with his hand on Josh's chest. As the kissing got more intense Desmond began to slowly ease his hand down Josh's chest and past his mid drift. . . . It was a good thing Desmond knew where his brother kept his condoms.

[doherty]

Josh heard Desmond's footsteps before he entered the room, but still he just layed there, hardly moved when he felt the weight of another human being on the bed next to him, hardly reacted when Desmond's lips first met his... but after a moment he felt it was necessary to return the kiss. This was... different. Desperate. Hard. Not the same Desmond that Josh thought he knew. It was a somewhat pleasant and welcome change, though, especially since Josh was in some kind of mood. Desmond's lips pressed against his somehow made him feel better.

Josh's stomach jerked when Desmond's hand started to run down his body. His heartbeat quickened and his eyes snapped open. What was this? Was Desmond feeling as starved for attention as Josh? And when Desmond's hand traveled lower... Josh's breath caught in his throat and he pulled back from the kiss. This was... Oh, my God. Suddenly, all of Josh's bad mood, all of his previous thoughts and anti-social behavior, disappeared and the only thing he knew was Desmond's body next to him, Desmond's hand on him, Desmond's face so close and in reach. Josh grabbed the back of Desmond's neck and pulled him into another kiss, fiercer than before. Had this been what he was waiting for? After a few days of waiting, after pretending to be straight, to not be attracted to Desmond, was this going to be his chance to let all of that frustration out? Fuck if he cared at that moment. All the two of them were to him was flesh.

[Desmond Giuseppe]

It had been so long since Desmond had done anything sexual with any other guy. Of course he wasn't the type to mess around; he made sure he knew he was in love before doing anything. Desmond knew he loved Josh, he'd been miserable the past week not being able to touch him or kiss him. Finally there were doing something!

Kissing was all well and good, but Desmond wanted to go further. Desmond let out a slight moan when Josh grabbed the back of his neck; he liked when boys got a little rough ; ). He put his had on the side of Josh's face and ran it up until it got stuck in Josh's tangle of hair. Desmond was on top of Josh now, but he had a feeling Josh would want to be the top since he was so much older. After a little while of intense making out Desmond pulled away a gasping for breath and his heart pounding with anticipation. "I think my brother keeps condoms in the night stand." he breath, looking Josh straight in the eye with his forehead resting on Josh's

[doherty]

Josh took in one long, shuddering breath and met Desmond's gaze. All of a sudden his mind was screaming at him to stop, get away from Desmond, don't touch him any more, don't make this any more painful than it needs to be. But instead of moving, Josh layed there, as still as he had been before Desmond came into the room. He didn't move to get a condom, no... He froze like a small, scared animal and just stared at the boy in front of him, the thing he wanted most in the world but couldn't bring himself to take.

Desmond's image became blurry and Josh blinked, trying to make it clear again. And then his eyes were welling up with tears. Jesus Christ, he hadn't even thought of crying, yet here it was, those tears that make you feel even more crappy and vulnerable. Josh averted his eyes, a pained look on his face. He had played the part long enough. He had lied long enough. It was time to come clean and hope that everything didn't go to hell - although he was almost positive that it would.

There was a reason Josh was alone, a reason he had no home and no family. His fucking family had disowned him, refused to support him or help him lead a normal life. He had no way to help himself because he had never gone through college. He could get a job, but it took a very long time to get enough money to buy a home, an apartment, a hotel room, anything... and he could never keep jobs because all of the close-minded and idiotic managers just kicked him out. And all because...

Josh grabbed Desmond's arms and pushed him up, away from him. He quickly pulled himself from underneath Desmond and slid across the bed to sit on the side of it, his back turned to Desmond. He wanted to speak, wanted to say so many things, but the words just weren't coming to him. Josh crumbled underneath the pressure he was feeling and put his head in his hands. The tears were gone and all he felt was a certain emptiness inside of him, like with those few tears he had let go of some of the weight inside of him, some of the self-confidence, some of the humanity. Too dramatic? But accurate.

"Desmond..." Josh said slowly. "I can't." He uncovered his face for a moment to glance over his shoulder, to where he had left Desmond unsatisfied. "I'm sorry."

[Desmond Giuseppe]

Desmond was completely taken off guard by Josh's tears; he had no idea what to do or think. Josh then gently push Desmond away and sat on the edge of the bed. Desmond could feel himself shaking slightly; he felt so stupid. What was he thinking just barging in and expecting sex? All he probably did was just remind Josh of their age difference by acting so immature. There was this over whelming feeling of embarrassment creeping up inside him. He wanted to just leave the room, but he couldn't bring himself to move. He just sat there on the bed where Josh had put him feeling numb, breathing heavy with his face burning red. Moments before he wanted nothing more that to be embraced by Josh in every way possible. Now he didn't even want to be touched. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

Desmond was almost certain it was their age difference that made Josh stop. He was eighteen and it was perfectly legal, but Josh seemed to think otherwise. Or maybe Desmond was just rushing things. They had only been together for a week and not much had happen in that week since the night they met. What ever the reason was Desmond didn't care. He just felt so dumb and embarrassed he had to get out of there. Finally regaining some feeling in his body Desmond slowly got off the bed without a word and began to head toward the door.

[doherty]

Josh opened his mouth, to ask Desmond to stay. But his voice got caught in his throat and all he could do was let out a short, pained moan. He cleared his throat, his eyes tearful. "Desmond, wait," he said, his voice small and vulnerable and weak. Josh slid off the bed and took the few steps to Desmond. The poor man nearly fell into his young lover's arms. This was something he had hoped he never had to do. But the time had come... and he found himself absolutely helpless.

Part of Josh didn't want to touch Desmond - not now, not ever... but the other part of him needed to feel him there, for comfort. God, this was painful. "I... need to tell you something..." Josh said slowly, raising his gaze to look at Desmond. But he didn't hold his gaze there very long. He was too ashamed. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before, it's just... It's ruined so much in my life and I didn't want it to ruin this, what we have here." His voice decided to disappear again and he took a step back from Desmond. He needed to sit. He felt weak. He felt sick. He felt like he wanted to vanish in a hole in the floor. "Th-This isn't your fault, none of it. I want nothing more than to..." He didn't need to go any further. He couldn't.

Josh backed up until he felt the bed behind his knees again. He let himself fall into a sitting position. "I - I'm sick, Desmond," he said. Josh felt as though he couldn't actually say what was wrong. Couldn't vocalize it. God... he was so ashamed.

[Desmond Giuseppe]

Desmond recoiled slightly when Josh touched him. For the first time ever since they met Desmond did not want to be help by Josh, he just felt too ashamed of himself. Desmond would have pushed him away if Josh hadn't looked so upset, but he thought it best to stay. There was obviously something bothering Josh and if he just turned and left now he'd never know what it is.

"I... need to tell you something..."

Oh Shit. Desmond felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach and he could feel himself shaking. His breaths were heaving a breathing felt like it too great effort. His mind began to think of all kinds of crazy irrational things Josh could have to tell him. Did Josh have a boyfriend and was just using Desmond and was now feeling bad about it to the point where he just had to confess? Or maybe Josh was straight and just playing gay so Desmond would offer him a place to stay. What ever it was Josh had to say Desmond knew it wasn't going to be good. He dreaded the worst.

"I - I'm sick, Desmond,"

Desmond let out an odd sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. That's all? Josh was just sick. . . that's all. He just needs some medicine and everything will be fine. He just didn't want to get Desmond sick too. "W-well, we have some Tylenol, o-or, um s-so Benadril if you need it." he said shakily. He refused to accept that Josh could be talking about something serious, but the way he talked about it. . . it seemed like it was. Desmond was is severe denial. Josh just needed to see a doctor and he'd be all fixed up. No matter how many times he told himself this he new that it wasn't that simple, it just couldn't be otherwise Josh wouldn't be making such a big deal. Desmond could fell tears in his eyes and he was shaking worse then ever.

[doherty]

Josh almost whimpered. He wished he could just take come Tylenol and make his sickness go away... God, if only it were that simple! But no... No. It wasn't. And the way Desmond was reacting, his apparent denial and shortsightedness, wasn't making it any easier. Josh back away a few steps, almost stumbling. He felt like he couldn't really move his body - all it wanted to do was collapse and cease all movement. He knew that he had to stay standing, stay strong... for Desmond. He knew that if he fell over, if he just gave up, it would hurt Desmond. He could never hurt the younger boy. Never.

"Desmond..." Josh said slowly in an apologetic tone. And he wanted to apologize - apologize for keeping this secret, for letting things go so far and for most likely fucking everything up. "I have AIDS." Jesus Christ... he had said it. He had just fucking said it. Something he had refused to vocalize for a good 6 years of his life, and he just admitted it to the boy he... he loved. Josh felt the bed behind his knees and he sat down abruptly, falling mostly, but somehow able to stay in a sitting position. He just couldn't... couldn't stand there and act like this was nothing. This was everything. He had a disease eating away at him, and he had been so fucking stupid getting it in the first place, and it was all his fault, all his Goddamn fault.

Josh hid his face in his hands. He was so ashamed... so ashamed. He couldn't say a word - not apologize, not make an excuse, nothing. He was nothing.

[Desmond Giuseppe]

"I have AIDS."

Desmond felt like the words had pierced his heart. All the wind was just knocked up of him, he couldn't breath, couldn't move, couldn't think. All he could do was just stand there and shake. This just couldn't be happening; it had to be some cruel joke. Just some stupid fucking cruel joke. Desmond could feel himself getting angry, angry at Josh for tell such a horrible fucking lie. But, the way Josh looked, just sitting in the bed like he wanted nothing more than to disappear, would he take a joke that far? No, Josh wouldn't do that to him.

How did this happen? Why was it that Desmond had finally fallen in love with someone and he has AIDS? It just wasn't fair! Desmond's anger continued, but for different reasons now. He was angry that Josh had to have AIDS, it wasn't fair. Josh was such a kind loving person, how could something like this happen to him? Desmond had always seen AIDS as something like air; he didn't see it, but he knew it existed. Now AIDS was sitting on his bed in the form of his love, Josh.

The truth was finally starting to sink in; Josh had AIDS and was going to die from it, if they weren't careful Josh could give it to him, and he had no idea how long Josh was going to live. Desmond couldn't look at Josh. He stared off at one of his brother's Led Zeppelin posters as he felt tears begin to fill his eyes and his breaths becoming even harder and deeper. The room felt cold and lonely even though Josh was right in front of him. He was shaking worse then ever now and could barely manage to wipe the tears away from his eyes because of it.

Finally finding some feeling in his body he slowly walked over to Josh. He opened up his mouth to say something, anything to make Josh and himself feel better, but only an awkward squeak came out. It got to the point where he could no longer hold it in, he finally just broke down and collapse in front to Josh and wept into Josh's lap.

[doherty]

As Josh watched Desmond's initial reaction, he was mentally preparing himself for the worst. The anger. The screaming, the crying, the blaming, the shame, everything he had gone through with his family. He could see it happening in his mind... he'd get up off the bed and apologize, maybe reach out to touch his young lover... and Desmond would pull away, disgusted and disappointed. He have to leave the house - the first home he had had in however many years. Then he'd go back to playing lonely songs in the park and using people for their money and their love and he'd eventually die out there with no one to cry over him or even identify his body. Fuck these tears. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to have AIDS. He didn't want his life to be ruined. He didn't want his parents to hate him forever. He didn't want Desmond to turn him away. He didn't want Desmond to hate him.

He didn't want Desmond to be sad. No, stop crying, he wanetd to say. He wanted to be comforting, to make Desmond think that everything was going to be okay. I'm sick, but I'm still here and we can still be in love. He couldn't say that. He was overwhelmed by his own tears, fucking tears he had been holding in for years. First time he shed them over his disease. But it wasn't really for the disease, but because of the disease - his revelation made Desmond cry which in turn broke Josh's heart.

When Desmond collapsed in front of him, Josh let out a pathetic sob and looked up at the ceiling. God, he couldn't look down and see what he had done. But he had to. He had to do something to make Desmond better. Taking a shuddering breath, Josh lowered his gaze to the top of Desmond's head. He gently put his hand on the younger boy's hair and stroked it. "I-It's okay," he said, hardly believing it himself but knowing it's what needed to be said. "It's okay."

[Desmond Giuseppe]

No it fucking wasn't ok! Josh was sick! He had fucking AIDS for Christ sake! Things were never going to be ok ever again! Desmond wrapped his arm around Josh as if it was going to keep him there and stop him from dieing. "It's not ok!" Desmond sobbed into Josh's side, his voice muffled. "You're going to die! I don't want you to fucking die! It's not fucking fair! I love you! Goddamnit!" Desmond didn't know what to do with himself. The situation was just too overwhelming for him. He grew up in such a loving carefree home that he never had to deal with anything serious like AIDS. It was just such a sudden change for him that he didn't know how to deal with the emotions.

Desmond took a few deep breaths to calm himself down, but kept his face buried in Josh's side. The warmth of Josh's body was comforting, it reminded Desmond that Josh was still there and it helped him imagine that Josh would never go anywhere. He had to think about this situation realistically; his parents were going to have to know so they could get Josh medicine so Josh would live longer and healthier that if he were just dealing with it on the streets, if they ever did anything they were going to have to be smart, and there was no way in hell he was ever going to tell Audrey about this. She was a smug enough bitch about there whole situation and Desmond didn't want to make it worse.

Even though Josh had just told him he had AIDS Desmond still wanted to have him. If only to show Josh that he still loved him no matter what. This was something there were going to have to deal with and Desmond was going to have to try to be strong. He loved Josh more than anything in the world. It was going to hurt loosing Josh, but Desmond wanted to just enjoy being with him while he was still there. He tighten his hold around Josh's mid drift.

"I love you." he said softly.

[doherty]

Throughout Desmond's angry and desperate outburst, Josh could feel his heart breaking apart. Really. It felt like someone had punched through his chest and just started chipping away. Not because he had AIDS, no... his heart was used to that fact. It was because his disease was going to take him away from someone who cared about him. Living on the streeets, Josh didn't have that burden, that weight of love on his shoulders. But now, with Desmond, it was different. His death would actually mean something. His death would cause someone pain, and... and he would be mourned. That realization was killing him more than the acquired immune deficiency syndrome.

Jesus Christ... he was such an idiot. An idiot for contracting the disease in the first place and an idiot for getting too involved with Desmond. Now he had baggage, now he had someone to take down with him. But this was the one person in the world he didn't want to do that to. Why hadn't he just... thanked the younger boy for the food and moved on? Why did their relationship ship have to grow to this? Fucking... love? What the fuck was he thinking? Love, of all things? God... damnit.

Josh reached behind him and gently unclasped Desmond's fingers. He unwrapped the boy's arms from around his waist and then slowly slid off the bed so the two of them were level: Desmond kneeling and Josh sitting cross-legged. As Josh peered into Desmond's sad and frightened face, there was so much he wanted to say, but... but he couldn't get it out. Josh sighed and shifted so he could lean his back against the bed. "Desmond," he said softly, his voice breaking halfway through the boy's name. "I... I don't want to die." God, that was pathetic. But it was so true. A year ago, a few months ago, he probably would have given anything for the disease to kill him, but not now. Not now.

In an act of selfishness and childishness, Josh slid over to Desmond and simply layed his head on his shoulder. For once, he wanted to be held and comfoted. He wanted warm arms to envelop him and a hand to stroke his hair. He didn't want everything to be so dramatic and tragic... he just wanted warm, comfortable silence so he could cry and maybe feel some kind of release.

Josh closed his eyes and listened to Desmond's breathing. The rhythm was comforting and helped slow everything down. Helped clear the older mans' head. Honestly, he was a twenty-seven year old acting like a twelve year old. It was funny how he could act so young and feel so old at the same time. Josh raised his eyes to Desmond's face. So beautiful. And Josh hardly every saw beauty in things. Josh moved his face slowly to the other boy's and soon the two met briefly at the lips, although the connection didn't linger. It was quick, it was over, but it meant so much. "I think I'll try harder," Josh stated somewhat lamely. "If not for myself, then... for you."

[Desmond Giuseppe]

"I... I don't want to die."

Desmond felt like a shooting pain had went through his heart and he let out a small sob at these words. It just gave Desmond this overwhelming sensation of helplessness knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop this terrible thing from happening to Josh. It was far too painful for Desmond to see the man he loved looking so sad and weak, he just had to look away. Desmond hoped Josh didn't think he was angry or upset with him. Even though Desmond didn't like it Josh had a right to be scared more than he did. He wish Josh was acting strong instead of scared, but felt selfish for thinking it. As much as he tried putting other peoples feelings before his own he was finding it increasingly hard to do so in this situation. The man he loved was dieing for Christ sake! He felt like he deserved to focus on his own feelings just a little bit.

Suddenly Desmond felt Josh's head on his shoulder. He wanted to wrap his arms around him, rub his back, or just do something to comfort him, but his arms felt dead and numb. It was like Desmond's sadness had completely drained him of all his energy. He was surprise he was still sitting up straight and supporting Josh's weight on his shoulder. Josh's tears began to soak though Desmond shirt. He hung his head and had to bit his lower lip to stop himself from sobbing. If he couldn't find the energy to hold Josh he was at least going to be strong and give Josh his own moment to cry. That was the least he could do.

Desmond felt the weight of Josh's body slowly lift from his shoulder. The kiss was comforting, even though it was only for a second. Still not being able to look at Josh Desmond's eyes were fixed on his lap.

"I think I'll try harder," Josh stated somewhat lamely. "If not for myself, then... for you."

Desmond looked up into Josh tear-filled eyes. There was so much he wanted to say to this none of which he could find the energy to say, but all wanting Josh to fell however he wanted. It was more Josh's burden then anyone else's and he could handle it how ever he wanted. Something in the selflessness of Josh's words put some life back into Desmond's body. He slowly lifted up his hand and gently rested it on Josh's check before leaning him and kissing his on the check. The kiss was deeper then the one they shared moments ago and lasted much longer. Desmond had to force himself to pull away otherwise he would have just kissed Josh until something interrupted them. He sniffed and rest his forehead on Josh's.

Desmond was beginning to think more clearly now, he had to think about what they were going to do know. He knew what they were going to have to do and it wasn't going to be easy. "Josh. . ." he began softly, "we're going to have to tell my parents." He didn't take the time to explain why to Josh, but he hoped it was obvious; his parents could buy Josh medicine that would help him live longer and healthier. It was a risk in for their relationship, but Desmond had to do it for Josh's sake.

[doherty]

Josh swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head when Desmond mentioned his parents. No... God, no. They couldn't find out about his disease. They... they would force him out of their home. He'd have no where else to go. And on top of that... he would be taken away from Desmond. Josh would never, ever be able to live, not if he didn't have Desmond. It was unthinkable. He had gotten a taste of heaven for the short amount of time he had spent with this boy and he wouldn't give it up, not even for a cure. Not even for a cure.

"Desmond, I don't think..." Josh started slowly. He trailed off and looked pained, so pathetic just sitting there on the floor, all tears and sad eyes and infected blood. He had definitely fucked everything up, and now he was going to have to return to the hell of his former life because of it. Perhaps that was his punishment? He was a horrible, disgusting person, because he had been dumb enough to get AIDS, and this was his punishment. He was going to be ripped away from the only thing he had ever loved.

Finally, Josh found the energy to be firm. "No," he returned simply. "You can't tell them." Josh looked away, genuinely firghtened of the tears that were returning to his eyes. When would that stop, the crying? When? Would he be crying forever? "I... I don't want this to end," he whispered, turning back to Desmond. "We were happy. I still want to be happy. With you." Josh cleared his throat. His voice was becoming stronger as his body simply deteriorated. He was collapsed against Desmond, nothing but a bag of sobbing bones.

And he was being given the chance to change that. Desmond was really offering to HELP him... the kind of help that he couldn't afford and that his family never gave him. Yet he was willing to give that up for young love. He didn't have much time left...All he wanted to do was spend the rest of his short life in bliss, with the boy he loved. Was that too much to ask?

Josh had been denied so much in his life... and was he going to be denied this?

"Please," Josh pleaded, taking Desmond's warm hand in his cool and clammy one. "What if they... they make me leave? Make me leave you?" His grip tightened. He was more scared than ever had been before. Contracting HIV, that disease developing into full-blown AIDS - that was NOTHING compared to his heart breaking. He'd rather it stop beating.

[Desmond Giuseppe]

"No no no," said Desmond quickly and gently, holding Josh tightly and rocking him, "That wouldn't happen, my parents would never be so cruel as to kick you out when you have. . . well. . .," Desmond couldn't bring himself to say it, but Josh had to know what he was talking about. He knew Josh having AIDS would make his mother think that Josh belonged there even more. She was a very caring person and Desmond just knew both his parents would want to do everything they could to help Josh. "My parents could take you to a doctor and get you medicine! We just still have to be careful about them finding out about us. . . We can still be happy Josh, I promise."

True his parents wouldn't kick out Josh for having AIDS, but if they found out about the two of them they'd see Josh as an even bigger threat than just being a far older man going out with their young son. Desmond was sure that even if this happened that his parents wouldn't make Josh go back to live on the streets; they'd find somewhere for him to go. At least now if they got caught Desmond wouldn't have to worry about Josh so much; he'd at least know that Josh was being taken care of.

"Josh . . . please let me tell them." Desmond begged, "Please." If Josh said no then Desmond was going to have to go along with it. He loved Josh enough to respect his wishes even if it cause him great pain. He just didn't want to make Josh more worried and uncomfortable then he already was.

[doherty]

Josh took a deep breath and forced himself to think clearly. He had to seriously consider what Desmond was saying - his parents would be willing to spend countless amounts of money on him, a stranger, and maybe even prolong his unfortunately shortened life. It was what Desmond wanted, Josh could see that in his face. Desmond wanted so badly to tell his parents and convince them to help. And Josh knew he would be unable to refuse. He loved Josh endlessly. It was ridiculous, the amount of s acrifice this grown man was willing to make. Josh was sacrificing his pride - hell, his sanity - in allowing Desmond to divulge his secret to his parents.

In comparison, it had taken Josh a few months to reveal his AIDS to his own parents. And now in no time at all, he was telling his boyfriend and his boyfriend's parents. What a difference a little love between two people can make. What a fucking difference.

Wrapping his arms around Desmond, Josh gave him a watery smile. "You can tell them," he said finally, defeated. "But if they react badly..." Josh couldn'tr bring himself to finish that thought. What would he do if they decided to kick him out? He couldn't exactly take Desmond with him. The two of them would be homeless and starving, for God's sake. But Josh absolutely knew that he couldn't live without Desmond. He had been able to live before, on the street, but... now he had been weakened by love and would die in an instant.

Josh tried his hardest to stay positive, he really did, but such was hard in the face of full-blown AIDS. Really, really hard.