Don't Let Me Down {Armand}

[franco]

((So, umm, let's just say this is the evening or something in case you wanted to leave some time in there for Armand to think about what's going on))

Lucien kind of felt like an asshole after storming away from Armand earlier that day. In his defense he never had a boyfriend before and didn't know how to act or properly handle situations like this. He'd come to Armand's house to apologize, something he'd tried his whole life to never to, but he'd give it a try for Armand. He just got so uncontrollably jealous when he saw Armand with his ex and frustrated that Armand completely forgot about Lucien while he was there. He though he had the right to be a little upset about it though. They'd only been going out for three days and already Lucien was beginning to have his doubts. He didn't want his relationship with Armand to end though, hence his coming over to apologize, but he also wanted to further understand the situation with Armand and his ex. He promised himself he would act immature or unreasonable this time.

He rang Armand's door bell then realized he didn't know whether or not Armand's parents knew about them or even if Armand was gay. If one of them answered the door what was he supposed to say? Oh, Well, if that situation arose he'd think of something. Right now he just hoped that Armand would be the one to answer the door.

[armand]

"Go back to your room, mother," Armand snapped as he walked out of his own room to answer the door. As was expected, Armand's mother scuttled back into the bedroom to lay down and drink and watch television.

Armand could hear his heartbeat in his ears. This was way too nerve-wracking. Who was at his door? There were only two people that would be asking for him at that time - Andy or Lucien. No matter which it was, Armand just wasn't ready. He didn't know what he was going to do, who he was going to choose, who he love dmore... There was no way to tell. At least not yet. So what was he going to do? Just turn his visitor away?

Armand glanced out the window once he was on the first floor and froze. It was Lucien. Armand recognized the car. Oh, Jesus. It was Lucien coming to... what? Break up with him?Verbally tear him apart? Prohibit him from ever seeing Andy again? It could all end now. Everything.

Attempting to push his nerves aside, Armand stepping into the foyer and opened the front door. He met Lucien's gaze for only a few seconds, then couldn't help but avert his eyes guiltily. Armand may have enjoyed fucking around, but that was when he was single Armand didn't do that shit when he was in a relationship. He put everything he had into his boyfriend. Perhaps that's why it was so hard seeing Andy again. And now, it was hard to look at Lucien after he had kissed Andy.

Armand didn't even try to greet Lucien. He knew his voice would do something humiliating like break of squeak or just not come out at all. He simply stepped aside and gestured for Lucien to come in. He glanced briefly up the stairs, hoping to God that his mother stayed in her room. He didn't need her help to fuck everything up. She knew her son was gay, of course, but she... well, she was just the dirty little secret of the family. Quite the embarrassment.

[franco]

Lucien could tell right away the Armand was emotionally distress so he was going to have to try to be extra sensitive, something Lucien wasn't very good at. Armand didn't seem to want to look at him which was perfectly ok because Lucien was having a hard time looking at Armand. It all had to be because of Armand's stupid ex boyfriend coming back! Causing all this awkwardness and drama! "Hey." he said gently after coming inside the house. He looked about at his feet as he wiped his shoes on the door mat. "Look," he said finally looking up at Armand "I'm sorry I freaked out and stormed off this morning. I just got jealous about your ex boyfriend being there. At first I was upset that you didn't tell him who I was, but I guess you were just too much in shock from seeing him again to tell him so I'm ok with it now. Since we've only been together for a few days I just get a little insecure about out relationship and seeing the way you reacted to him made me a little nervous, but I trust you." He put a hand on Armand's shoulder and looked into his eyes. "I love you."

He hoped he sounded more trusting than he felt. Truthfully he didn't know what to think about the situation, but he defiantly saw Armand's ex as a threat and was prepared to do what he had to to keep Armand.

[armand]

When Lucien looked into his eyes, Armand was able to remember why exactly he had confessed his love and went through so much trouble to be with him. "I love you, too," he said gently, triyng to force a smile onto his face. It came out as more of a grimace, though. Armand rested his hand briefly on the one that Lucien had put on his shouder, then took a step back from his boyfriend so they were no longer touching. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? Explain himself, apparently. Had that been what Lucien had come for? It sure as hell wasn't just to let Armand know that he loved him. That would never be it. There had to be some other kind of motivation. With Lucien, there always was. Armand had leanrned that. "I was shocked to see Andy," Armand confirmed, nodding his head slowly and averting his eyes. He could see Andy's face in his mind - his kind, smiling face... his hurt, shocked face... Armand tried to blink the image away, but when he opened his eyes and looked at Lucien, it was still there. "We were together for nine months and he left kind of abruptly. I honestly wasn't expecting to ever see him again."Armand sighed and bowed his head slightly. "I was in shock. I'm sorry for not introducing you, but..." Armand's voice caught in his throat, despite his desperate attempts to keep his tone level and... well, not at all biased towards Andy. "Andy knows that we're together. I told him." Oh, Jesus Christ. "And I think he understands that I'm with you now, so..." But... I want to be with him so badly... "So, yeah." When he kissed me... God, we were so happy together... "Thank you for stopping by and letting me explain myself." Andy still wants to be with me. "I guess I just needed some time to calm down." He'll fight for me.

Armand's battling thoughts were starting to get chaotic. In an attempt to silence them, or at least muffle their noise, he gestured towards the kitchen. "Do you want anything?"

Post 100!

[franco]

Armand seemed to be acting more like a little boy who'd gotten sent to the principals office instead of a boyfriend. It just wasn't like Armand to be so emotionally vulnerable, well, except for the other day, but they'd gotten past that. It also wasn't very assuring when Armand backed away from him. Was he really over his ex? He was saying all this stuff about how Andy knows about them, but did that really mean it was over between Andy and Armand? Lucien didn't think so, he could tell just from the few minutes he was in front of Andy earlier that day that the kid wasn't likely to give up that easily.

Instead of feeling annoyed toward Armand Lucien tried to feel sympathetic. It was just hard for Lucien to really understand what was going through Armand's head right now because Lucien had never had a boyfriend before and never had to deal with the messy ordeal of break up. So, how to deal with this? A hug? Maybe Armand needed a hug? That seemed kinda of lame though. Fucking seemed a but extreme, not to mention Armand didn't seem to be in the mood.

"Do you want anything?"

Lucien decided just to play along for Armand's sake. "Sure, do you have any soda?" said Lucien, "My mom is crazy and only buys this mineral water shit so I rarely get to drink soda and I'm dieing for a coke." It was best to steer the conversation away from Andy, at least for now. He had to give Armand so time to calm down and feel more comfortable discussing it with Lucien.

[armand]

Thank God Lucien had gone along with the whole 'let's be nonchalant and pretend none of thing ever happened' idea. When his back was turned to Lucien, Armand felt free to make an exasperated and helpless look, not for anyone else to see but just to make himself feel better. Armand made his way into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He wanted so badly to look over his shoulder at Lucien, see what his face looked like, see what kind of reaction he was having to the whole thing... but instead of doing do, he just knelt down in front of the fridge and searched the shelves for the soda Lucien had said he wanted. After a moment of searching, he grabbed a Pepsi from the bottom shelf and turned back to Lucien, forcing a smile onto his face. "Voila," he said smoothly, making an attempt at humor (although it didn't come across very well at all). "A Pepsi for the poor, caffience deprived boy." Armand handed Lucien the soda, then wandered to the island in the middle of the kitchen. He sat, then motioned for Lucien to take the seat next to him.

What the fuck was supposed to happen now? Was Armand supposed to... be the bigger person and bring up the subject of Andy again? Was Armand supposed to admit to Lucien that he still had feelings for Andy? That he was having doubts that in being with Lucien instead of Andy he was giving up definite happiness? Was he supposed to admit that he didn't know if Lucien was going to be able to make him happy, to make him feel secure, to make him love again? There were so many options, so many things he could have said... but nothing seemed appropriate. Nothing seemed right. And now they were just two fags sitting at a kitchen island, awkwardly sipping at some Pepsi and wishing they were somewhere or someone else.

This situation couldn't get any more unbearable. At least not for Armand. As far as he knew, Lucien was enjoying his misery. As far as he knew, Lucien had just come to gauge Armand's reaction and just leave him afterwards. There was so much uncertainty and Armand honestly felt as though he was going to explode in a second. It was ridiculous.

[franco]

He'd asked for a fucking Coke, but he took the Pepsi Armand handed him without complaint. He wasn't about to start an argument over something stupid like that. The whole time Armand was wandering through the kitchen getting them soda Lucien was getting the worst awkward vibes ever. Armand was his boy friend, he wasn't supposed to feel like this around him. Right? The last of conversation was also a little unnerving. Sure, Armand had made a little joke when handing Lucien his soda, but that hardly counted as some for of conversation. It was just getting so frustrating. Lucien was still figuring out the whole boyfriend thing.

Fucking Andy was just screwing up everything now. That fucking kid comes back out of the blue and now instead of having a hunky sex God for a boyfriend he was left with this sad, vulnerable little puppy. Lucien hated puppies. The last thing he needed was for his boyfriend to turn into a pus because of this Andy fuck.

"Do you still love him?" Lucien asked suddenly. He almost couldn't believe he had said it, but it had been bothering him ever since he walked in the door.

[armand]

Armand stared intentely at the countertop, trying his hardest not to react outwardly to what Lucien had said. What a fucking question that was... Do you still love him? Now Armand had an internal battle - to be honest or to lie? Which would satisfy Lucien more? That was the question.If he told the truth... he would say that yes, he did still love Andy. And to lie was to say that the only person Armand thought about was Lucien. At that moment, as Armand was trying to think of an acceptable way to answer his boyfriend, Andy was there. He was in the room, standing opposite Lucien, forcing Armand to compare and contrast and choose. It was something he didn't think he was going to be able to do. No way in hell.

Armand lifted his eyes from the counter to peer at Lucien. "I... do. Still love him. I do." Armand closed his eyes from a moment, ashamed of what he had said but also somehow relieved. "I do. Because we were together for so long and we were so happy and he left so abruptly and he's the reason I started fucking around and he's the reason I forgot how to love but I forgave him for that the second he stepped foot back into Pittsburgh." Armand stopped and took a deep breath. "I can't help it. I still love him because... we never fell out of love. We fell in love once, and then it just stopped. There was no ending." Armand shrugged his shoulders gently. God, this all must have sounded really fucking good to Lucien. Armand had just openly admitted to loving Andy. Now what? "I love you, too, though," Armand added, somewhat pathetically. He meant it... God, did he mean it... but he was just so drained that he was having trouble continuing. "I love you so much. You helped me forget about Andy and you gave me that kind of happiness after so long without having it... and this is why I'm confused." Armand looked up at the ceiling, raising his eyes so his tears couldn't even threaten to come out. "I'm so sorry," he said, laughing bitterly. Laughing mostly at himself. "I don't know what I'm fucking saying."

[franco]

Shit, he'd asked and he'd gotten the answer he didn't want to here. At this point Lucien felt like he had to options; tell Armand to go fuck himself and to just go get his 'precious' Andy back, or Lucien could stay, deal with it, and figure out a way to get his Andy fuck out of the picture. Since Lucien wasn't the type to give up he took the latter. This didn't mean he wasn't fucking pissed that Armand was still in love with Andy, it just meant that Lucien wasn't about to admit defeat to some blond pussy who practically appeared out of nowhere. And of course there was the fact that he actually was in love with Armand which was scary enough in its self with out have to put up with all this Andy bullshit.

So Armand loved Lucien as well. How nice. How fucking kind of him to mention that at the end as well. Lucien was sharing Armand's love with Andy. Fucking Andy. Lucien was raised a spoiled brat who got what ever he wanted. He fucking HATED sharing. Their relationship started out with Armand battling for Lucien's affections now he was going to have to fight for Armand's. Lucien couldn't help but laugh bitterly to himself as he thought about the irony of the situation.

Lucien slowly taped his fingers on the counter top as he stared at Armand with a mixture of anger and contemplation. Finally he sat up and took a deep breath. "Well," he said quietly. How to handle this without being cruel? Looks like it was tough love time. "I don't want you to see him, at least until you're over him. And I mean COMPLETELY over him. You're my boyfriend now. Yeah, it sucks that your relationship ended so abruptly, but we're fags, Armand., not fucking women. You need to get over him and he needs to get over you. You're not some shirt that he put on lay-away that he could come back and get when ever he wants. You moved on. I know I sound harsh, but if I didn't love you I wouldn't have bothered. I would have just got up and fucking left."

[armand]

Armand's eyes widened slightly. He... wasn't allowed to see Andy again? Oh, HELL no. Andy had just come back to Pittsburgh after so long and now he and Armand were going to be in the same building every day and Lucien just expected Armand to forget about Andy? There was no way that was going to happen. But Armand knew that he was going to have to pretend that it would. Yes, he was going to have to lie to his boyfriend, say he wasn't going to see Andy but do it anyway. Because Armand knew that he would never be able to ignore Andy, no matter how hard he tried. He had stared at that face for nine months, he had been in love for nine months, and Lucien just expected him to get over it? Fuck. No.

"I get what you're saying," Armand returned, as nicely as possible. "But I don't think you understand what those nine months with Andy were like. It's not something I can forget about immediately. Especially since he's here now. You've never been in a relationship like that, have you?" Armand knew he shouldn't have been saying that shit, but he wanted to.. he wanted Lucien to understand the shit that was going through his head. "I'm going to be with you, no matter what," he decided aloud. "It doesn't matter that Andy's back... but I'm not going to pretend he never existed. It was a part of my life that was good. I keep the good things." Armand clenched his jaw, showing some kind of authority in the matter. He wasn't going to be ordered around. What, did Lucien think Armand was just going to be a pushover and do everything he said just because he was feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment? Christ, Armand was older than Lucien, more experienced than Lucien, just everything... MORE than Lucien.

"I'll see what I can do," Armand finished finally. "I'm not going to go fuck him because he's back, but I'm not going to ignore him absolutely. Not until I feel like I can without getting hurt." There. Lucien would have to fucking deal.

[franco]

Even though he was a little pissed he couldn't help but smile. He'd got his hot assertive boyfriend back. Even if he was being assertive about the wrong thing it was a start. It was very arousing actually. Very hot. Lucien was sick of arguing. They were both too stubborn to fully agree with the other on anything. So what if he was still going to see and think about Andy. Lucien was just going to have to show Armand why he was the much better, much hotter choice.

"I think you're so hot when you get like this." he said before climbing over the island and pulling Armand into the deep kiss. He was sure Andy never did anything like that.

[armand]

Out of all the things that could have happened at that moment... that was the one thing Armand hadn't been expecting. Although... it was pleasant. A very, very pleasant surprise. Armand was starved for attention, especially after he had kissed Andy and forced himself away. And he was drained from all the fucking arguing. So now, feeling Lucien's lips against his... made him feel so much better. Armand figured that this was Lucien's way of avoiding conflict, his method of forgetting about things. And the sooner Lucien forgot about Andy... the better. For all of them.

Armand grinned in a triumphant way as he kissed Lucien back. This was something that Andy never would have done. If there was one thing he loved about his and Lucien's relationship, it was the fact that the two of them could do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. They didn't have to hide, like Armand and Andy had to do. Armand and Lucien were open and free about the fact that they liked to fuck guys, whereas Andy was... secretive. Armand appreciated that bit of Lucien more than anything.

"We probably shouldn't..." Armand said, without much conviction. His mother was upstairs in her room, right above the kitchen. But for some reason, Armand just didn't care. Armand simply ran his fingers through Lucien's hair and kissed him, matching the younger boy's force and then exceeding it. He liked being in control, too. And he was glad Lucien liked it.

[franco]

"Oh yes we should." said Lucien between kisses. He got off the island ((I think I forgot to mention he was sitting on it in my last post)) and pushed Armand against the fridge. This is why Lucien liked having a boyfriend, he didn't have to go through the whole flirting thing, all he had to do was grab Armand's face and start making out with him. Even though Lucien had always been the dominate one during most of his past exploits he liked it when Armand got a little forceful. It just reinforce the fact that Armand was older and Lucien liked the fact the he was dating an older man. Lucien put his hands on Armand's chest them began to unbutton his shirt.

((ehh, lame))

[armand]

Armand couldn't keep the smug grin off of his face as Lucien went right to taking his shirt off. Really, though... he didn't think sex would be appropriate because A.) they were in the kitchen, where people ate and B.) his mother was upstairs and could most likely hear them. "Sorry, Lucien," Armand said shortly, gently pushing the younger boy away. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for a rain check." To maybe Lucien feel less crappy about the rejection, Armand leaned forward and kissed him with some force. He wrapped his arms around Lucien's shoulders and smiled affectionately. It would probably make Lucien uncomfortable, but he'd just have to deal with it. "Thanks for coming over, by the way," he said, kissing Lucien again. "It helped. Really." ...It really didn't. But it was most likely what Lucien wanted to hear. He was still having doubts, still thinking about Andy... but he expected that. And he expected... to eventually get over Andy. It would take some time, but if Lucien kept doing what he was doing, there was no way Armand was going to be able to leave him.

He wasn't sure of that fact. But it was nice to think of.

[franco]

Lucien was only half surprised when Armand turned him away. He was a little pissed a first, but he figured Armand had to have good reason; the boy's mother was up stairs after all, he'd heard Armand call to her when he first got there. "Eh, don't be so sappy." said Lucien with disgust, but smirking to show him he was joking. . . kind of. With a sigh he re-buttoned Armand's shirt for him. "We'll just have to continue this tomorrow." Lucien gave him a look as if to say 'or else'. He didn't like being turned down when he'd been made so horny. "Maybe we'll even to it in school like we were supposed to today." Lucien took a step away from Armand. "Until tomorrow." he said before turning and walking toward the front door. He felt much better now compared to how he'd felt when he first arrived. Now he was much more assured about the relationship he was in.