Who am I to beg for difference (Toby)

[brower]

Andy stood on the steps, leaning against the stone railing with a cigarette in his hand, as was his habit. He smoked more than anyone his age should, but he felt like he earned the luxury.

He sighed wistfully, his mind somewhere else besides school entirely. Well not entirely. . . the reason for his sigh was inside the building right now. He breathed in the nicotine and tar and menthol and all the other things he was certain he might have remembered if he bothered to pay attention in Health Class.

Since the beginning of the school year, he'd felt this way. Since he'd first met him, well they'd gone to school together since junior high. He'd never actually met him until this year though. He hadn't known he could feel this way until he'd met him. A sort of giddy rush whenever he caught sight of him, and the smile that just wouldn't seem to go away.

Unfortunately he knew that he would never feel the same way about him. At first he had thought he was straight and that the feeling could never be returned, but when that was shattered by his coming out, Andy was reminded that it could never be when Kyan stepped in.

Kyan who, if he were to give up his career in bartending and take to the streets, would probably take away all his customers. He hardly stood a chance compared to that, and the knowledge of this tore him up inside.

[Tobias Vaughn]

((ooc- is this before school? After school? during a break/lunch? Let me know and I'll adjust accordingly))

"Good luck getting past the first round of semi-finals this year! Fucking bastards... After everything I fucking gave to this team!" There were no words to describe what he was feeling, but there was one to describe what he appeared to be. Livid was the word. Toby was livid.

Tobias had been inside of the school for no more than five minutes before leaving in a fit of rage. He had never felt so strongly about anything before in his entire life, and the worst part was that there seemed to be absolutely nothing he could do. And so he left the building, screaming at the coach who had attempted to follow him and calm him down before he did something irrational.

He felt bad, because this wasn't the coach's fault. Coach wanted him to stay and wrestle, but none of the other guys seemed to feel the same way. They had all refused to enter the locker room until he had left, and no one would volunteer to practice with him any more. Things were getting ridiculous. He had molded this team, and up until a few weeks ago he had been their fearless leader. Now... now he had gone from captain of the wrestling team to lower than dirt.

Throwing the front door of the school open violently as he yelled behind him at the morally confused coach, he allowed the door to slam shut behind him and stopped walking, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm himself. It was just then that he noticed he wasn't alone on the steps.

A fierce blush rose to his cheeks, which was only slightly noticeable since his cheeks were a little red from his trek up from the basement practice room. He hadn't meant to snap like that, but having someone witness his explosion made it that much worse.

It was Andy Brower, a boy he had gone to school with for years but never seemed to speak to until this year. They had never really been in classes together, just the same grade, but this year they had Chemistry together, which was when they'd first really 'met'.

Clearing his throat, Toby looked around to make sure no one else had witnessed that little scene. "Erm... sorry about that," he said sheepishly. "Just... bad day. Some trouble with wrestling this year..." he started, deciding that a bad explanation was better than no explanation.

((ooc- is Andy one of those 'i'm obviously gay and everyone knows it' guys? I just wasn't sure how Toby should be acting...))

[brower]

((I figured it was somewhere near the end of the day. Also, Andy's just sort of a quiet kid. Some kids might have guessed he's gay, others might be clueless if they've never really met him. It's up to you if you'd like Toby to know.))

Andy's entire face changed drastically as the source of his anguish showed up. His eyes were filled with curiosity. What was Toby so pissed about?

"Erm... sorry about that. Just... bad day. Some trouble with wrestling this year..."

"You don't have to apologize," Andy said casually, shrugging slightly, and attempting to keep his face devoid of all the emotions he'd just been feeling. "The wrestlers a little less than comfortable?"

[Tobias Vaughn]

"I had to quit the team," Toby said, the realization of what he had just done hitting him harder than he had expected. His face fell a little, and he was visibly upset.. "They wouldn't practice with me, they wouldn't change in the locker room... a team can't function like that. They said either I go, or they go. So I... I quit. It was in the best interest of the wrestling team."

This last comment was more to reassure himself than to reassure Andy. Andy probably didn't give a flying fuck about the wrestling team, but it had been Toby's entire life. He had poured his heart and soul into that sport, and now he was left with nothing...

"Shit," he said, shaking his head. "I'm not usually so violent," he added. "Just, lots of stress lately, as I'm sure you've heard about." Toby didn't mean for this to sound accusatory. Everyone had heard of his 'coming out', it was just general knowledge now. He wasn't sure how Andy felt about it...

ooc- sorry to cut it short, band time!

[brower]

Andy made a sort of half motion wit his upper body, but cut himself off before it was noticeable. He had instinctively gone to give Toby a hug, but if he was upset he probably didn't want physical contact from someone he wasn't close to.

He gave a slight chuckle at Toby's words. Sure he'd heard about it, the whole school had. Toby didn't have the same sort of ability to just blend in like he did. Hardly anybody knew what he did for money in this town, and the only ones who did were doing the same as him.

"Yeah, I heard about that,' he said casually. "You and Kyan Walker are some sort of item or something."

[Tobias Vaughn]

Tobias caught the upper body twitch made by Andy, but didn't think too far into the motion. He wasn't in the proper mindset to evaluate body language at the moment, his mind was too busy reeling from everything that had just happened. So many things were going wrong all at once, it was hard to stay focused any more.

"Kyan? An item?" At this Tobias laughed. His laugh came out sounding rueful, though he hadn't initially intended for it to. "Please. My parents kicked me out, he offered to let me crash at his place, but we're not an item. He says it's an 'open relationship', which means I'm a side-project when he gets the time. Hardly qualifies."

Tobias normally wasn't this cynical or open about things, especially not with someone he didn't know very well, but with his blood pumping and his emotions all riled up, well, he wasn't acting like his usual self. "Sorry," he said with a heavy sigh. "I'm still a little angry, I s'pose. I just meant that we're not an item. Kyan doesn't do relationships."

[brower]

Andy offered him a sympathetic smile at his surge of anger. Despite hearing he got kicked out of his house, he couldn't help but feel the stirrings of hope. He and Kyan weren't together. . .well in a traditional sense anyway.

"Well if you ever need a break or something, there's an extra room at my house," he offered, without sounding embarrassed or like a complete idiot, he was pleased to note.

He shrugged his shoulders, and drew in more smoke form his cigarette, examining the orange end idly. He was just looking for a way to distract himself really.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that wasn't his style," he commented.

He'd actually thought he'd had somethign of a crush on Kyan a few years back. Just after he decided to become a hustler. He'd seduced Kyan or Kyan seduced him, who was keeping track at this point: either way he was 14 at the time, and he hadn't let on about his age. Kyan had made it very clear afterwards, that this wasn't going to become a clingy, touchy-feely sort of relationship; and in retrospect, he was grateful that Walker hadn't wanted more.

[Tobias Vaughn]

Andy's smile did a surprising amount of good for Toby, whose emotions were pretty fragile at the moment. Most of his former worries seemed to diminish a little, and though he couldn't really place the cause he didn't really care.

"Thanks for the offer. I might have to hold you to it," he added, seeing if Andy had been serious or just kidding. After all, he couldn't live with Kyan forever. Sooner or later he would have to do something else, whether that be reconcile with his parents, move on to a new friend, or try to make his own way. He would only use the Walker's hospitality for so long.

Tobias wondered why he had never taken up smoking. He thought vaguely that right about then would have been a nice time to have a cigarette of his own to help calm his shattered nerves. Of course, there was the small fact that he didn't smoke. Yet, anyway.

"Yeah," he confirmed. Being 'an item' wasn't Kyan's style at all. Tobias was surprised at how casually Andy was talking about all of this with him. He wasn't awkward about it at all, which made him more than a little suspicious. "I just..." he started, but stopped himself. "Nevermind," he said quickly. He'd been about to bare his soul to the kid from chem class he'd barely spoken to before this year! What the hell was coming over him?

[brower]

"Thanks for the offer. I might have to hold you to it."

"Anytime you need it's fine," he said. "My dad went away for a while, so his bedroom's open"

"I just ... Nevermind,"

Toby had seemed almost on the verge of sharing something, something important perhaps. Andy had furrowed his brows slightly, as if emphasizing the fact that he was ready to pay attention.

"What?" he asked. "You can tell me if you want. I'm not gonna tell anyone."

[Tobias Vaughn]

Tobias wasn't sure what he was supposed to read into the statement 'my dad went away for a while'. This could mean anything from a business trip to walked out on his family, and so he decided it was probably best not to push the issue and just accept the offer with a smile.

He couldn't help but wonder why Andy was being so nice to him, though. Pity? Or just plain concern. Toby had been going through a lot lately and it was getting harder and harder to keep his spirits up while he was in public. Wasn't coming out supposed to lift the burdens from you, and NOT make things worse?

"What? You can tell me if you want. I'm not gonna tell anyone."

"It's nothing... it'll sound stupid," he said, but realized that there was no harm in talking to Andy. Even if he turned around and told the whole school, what did he care anymore? And it felt good to just open up to someone and say what was on his mind.

"I was just, you know, thinking about the Kyan thing. I mean, I don't want to be the fall back plan. Is is too much to ask for a decent, normal, caring relationship?"

Toby looked into Andy's face to try and figure out his reaction. He wasn't sure about the boy - he didn't know him well enough to know if he himself was straight, bi, or gay, or what his views on the matter were. This whole conversation could be making him horribly uncomfortable for all Toby knew.

[brower]

Andy felt himself grow pensive at Toby's words. No, it wasn't too much to ask for at all. At least he hoped not. All he wanted was just to find someone to care for, and to care for him.

"That's not stupid," he said. "I think that's just what everyone wants in the end."

He gave a half-hearted smile, flicking his cig to the ground and crushing the ashes with his chucks.

"Hey, do you want to get out of here?" he asked. "You look like you could use a distraction. We could go get something to eat or something."

[Tobias Vaughn]

Tobias was relieved that Andy didn't think he was being stupid, or whiny, or too optimistic, or any of the things he was thinking about himself inside of his head. This was the difference from hanging out with Kyan and hanging out with, well, anyone else. After living with the Walkers for the past few weeks, he had forgotten what deep, meaningful conversations could be like. Everything Kyan said was always so black and white, and he never spoke of real emotions (not counting in his drug-induced state). It was a nice change.

"Hey, do you want to get out of here? You look like you could use a distraction. We could go get something to eat or something."

"Yes, yes, for the love of God, yes," he said, laughing a little. "I was nothing more than to be as far away from this building as possible right now. Also, I'm starving. There's one benefit of not wrestling-" he added suddenly. "I don't have to watch every little thing I eat to keep my weight down."

Of course, Toby wouldn't get fat. He was physically incapable of getting fat. However, he wouldn't have to starve himself to make the weight class from week to week. This might be good for him in the long run...

"Let's go."

[brower]

For Andy, all the smoking he did probably helped keep down his weight, of course it came back to bite him in the ass in other ways: like his inability to run long distances. He also had a high metabolism on his side.

"All right," Andy said, only just able to hide his happiness that Toby had agreed to come along.

((Do you want to go to the diner, or have them get food and go back to his place?))

[Tobias Vaughn]

Tobias was glad that Andy had been out here. Anyone else would have judged him, or just ignored him all together. But not Andy. For some reason his newfound friend showed at least a slight interest in his problems and making him feel better, which was exactly what he needed at that moment.

((ooc- I can only assume Andy drives. And... food and his place? *shrug* It just seems like they'll be more open if they're at a house, instead of a public diner... by way of bonding. ^_^))