WTF? ((JOSH!!))

[musethee]

I'm sorry, but we can't give you your HIV medication if you failed the drug test. said the snotty woman at the front desk.

"That's such bullshit!" exclaimed Gogo. She hadn't done ANY drugs in the last three days! More because she couldn't afford it than anything else, but still. . . she really thought being clean for three days would help her pass. She NEEDED that
medicine; she couldn't afford getting sick and not being able to go to work. "Look, I haven't done ANY drugs in weeks! How the fuck did I fail?"

I'm sorry miss White, but rules are rules and I can't give you free medication if you fail the mandatory drug test.

"Oh, so just because I failed one drug test means I don't deserve to live? Who came up with your ethics lady?" Gogo was getting increasingly upset and having a suffering from a withdrawal headache wasn't helping. "I NEED that medicine! If I get sick I can't go to work, if I can't go to work than I don't earn money and if I don't earn money I can't buy food and if I can't eat I'll FUCKING DIE!"

Now the woman at the desk was mirroring Gogo frustration. I'm sorry Miss White, but I already said; if you fail the drug test you don't get medication. If it's that important to you you should have thought about that before you did drugs. NEXT!

Gogo was beyond pissed; this woman had no idea what she was talking about! She had no idea what it was like to be Gogo, who the fuck was she to judge her? Gogo let out a frustrated scream as she turned to leave. She bumped into the young man who was waiting in line behind her. "Sorry." she mumbled as she wiped frustrated tears from her eyes and went to leave.

[doherty]

Josh rubbed at his eyes annoyedly, his lips twisted in a frown that was so familiar now. It had been a while since Josh had left the Guiseppe house and he was trying his hardest to get back on his feet... Trying but failing and slowly but surely falling back into the hole he was in before he had ever met Desmond. That homeless, helpless, hopeless hole. One that he would be nowhere near if only he had stayed in the comfortable household he had been offered. But no... Josh was much too stubborn for that. So stupid.

But that was where he found himself and, as before, he had to do what he had to. Ever since he had left Desmond, Josh had been staying with random people... Some he had known before, some he just met, some he wished he never had. And it was a way to live, but not a good way. He was only doing so until he could get a steady job with a paycheck good enough for him to feed and shelter himself. That, unfortunately, was taking much too long. The frame that had been made healthier with Mrs. Guiseppe's food was slowly losing that and reverting to a sickly, disgusting thing.

Josh felt worse at that moment more than he had ever felt in his entire life. Knowing that he had had something good, but now it was gone... and because of his own stubbornness... it was a difficult thing to swallow.

But at least he could get the medicine he needed, unlike the unfortunate woman in front of him. Personally, he agreed with the argument the sick woman was presenting - she needed those drugs or the whole small structure she had built her life on would crumble. He watched as the woman turned to leave and stumbled when she bumped into him - and then he noticed the tears she tried to wipe away. In a small act of defiance and built-up anger he had been feeling, Josh grabbed the woman's arm. "Hold on," he said gently, then turned a harsher tone toward the woman behind the counter.

"I think that maybe you need to rethink giving this woman her medicine," Josh said, his hollowed eyes narrowed. He may have been sick, but he was strong, at least emotionally. "I don't think you or anyone above you can claim that this place is incapable of a fallacy... Maybe readministering the test would be the smarter way to go instead of just assuming that your patient fucked up and did drugs?" Josh raised an eyebrow, his hand still holding on to the tearful woman who had been in front of him. "Because if you don't... I'm sure there are a lot of people who aren't going to be happy with you."

With that, Josh turned to the woman - well, young woman - he was holding onto. "You all right?" he asked, his voice soft. He tilted his head to the side in a questioning manner and there was a semblance of real concern on his face. He knew what it was like to be low, and that's where she was. He didn't want anyone to feel that.

[musethee]

Gogo had expected a mumbled complaint from the sickly looking man she bumped into, but to her great shock he grabbed her arm. It startled Gogo. If she hadn't been so weak and head-achy she might have tried to break free. More surprising then this was fact that the man was actually standing up for her. No one ever stood up for her. Even at school her old friends had just given up trying to help her when some one called her a druggie or a whore. She remembered her old friends pleading with her to stop using and sleeping around. Gogo would just either laugh or take out all her frustrations toward her parents out on them. After they finally abandoned her the insults and harassment came more and more often. It had gotten to the point where Gogo didn't think any one would ever want or try to help her. Then this guy showed up.

He kept his fingers wrapped around Gogo's skinny, frail arm as he spoke to the woman Gogo had just argued with. Who was this guy? He looked just as sickly as her if not more. Gogo couldn't help but think of him as a guardian angel type figure, as corny as it sounded. Usually Gogo refused help, but since it was coming from someone who appeared to be in the same situation as her she went with it. It was just amazing to her that someone who looked so miserably could take a moment to be so selfless. He could have just as easily let Gogo walk by and gotten his own meds.

"You all right?"

"I-ah, I, yeah." Gogo mumbled, keeping her gaze away from the man and wiping her eyes. "Thanks." It wasn't until then that she realized she was shaking. She was actually shaking. It had to be from withdrawal. Soon the nausea would come, Gogo's favorite part. She loved having to unexpectedly been over a trash can on the side walk or the toilet seat of a dirty public bathroom.

After a moment of looking at the man like she would like nothing better than to smack him, the woman at the front desk grudgingly bagged some meds and threw them at Gogo's feet. "there, Happy?" spat the woman. With a shaking hand Gogo bent over and pick up the meds and held them against her chest. "thank you." she said weakly to the man.

[doherty]

Josh's own need for his medicine was forgotten when he felt how bad the woman was trembling. His brow knitted in concern and he turned away from the counter, still holding onto her. Now the rude woman was forgotten and he was focused on helping the one shaking in his grasp. "No problem," he muttered, then scanned the room for empty seats. The young woman needed to sit down - Josh was afraid that she was going to collapse any second. He recognized what she was going through, the withdrawal. He had gone through it himself, so many times, and it was hell. And he felt some kind of strange pull and obligation to help this woman out. Like they were connected somehow, through their similar life experiences. Or maybe it was that Josh needed some contact with people he could relate to or grow a liking for, not just people he was using for shelter and food. People that he had once had in the Guiseppe household. But Josh was probably looking in the wrong place.

"Let's sit down, huh?" Josh said with a small smile, totally oblivious to the fact that he had abandoned his spot in the depressingly long line for medicine. He gently led the woman over to the chairs he had caught sight of and then helped to lower her into one. "Stay here for a second," he said, then walked over to a conveniantly placed water cool, grabbed one of the little cups and filled it up. He then went back and handed the cup to the woman. "Here. I think you need to rest... And if you drink this, it'll help curb the nausea." Josh sat in the seat next to her and watched to perhaps make sure she would drink the water. He wasn't sure if this was a paternal sort of thing he was doing or just friendly, or where the paternity was coming from. Or the friendliness for that matter - he had been decidedly unfriendly ever since he and Desmond had spit up.

"My name's Josh," he supplied with another tiny grin. "Sorry for, you know... taking charge at the counter there. But..." He trailed off, unsure as to why he was apologizing and what he was apologizing for. But it had just seemed necessary. He didn't know... Well, whatever. At least she was taking the help gracefully and not defying it like some people did. Like he did.

In an effort to keep his mind off of Desmond and the rest of the Guiseppe family, Josh said, distractedly, "Yeah, you should drink that water..." He brought a hand up to scratch at his neck, trying to make sure the sadness didn't show up on his face and betray him. It had been so long and still he couldn't get his mind off of it. So many times he had been tempted to just go back and... beg or... do anything he could to get in that spot he had once been in, but... Well, they probably wouldn't have him. Desmond... Desmond probably wouldn't have him.

[musethee]

Gogo allowed the man to lead her over to the chairs even though she didn't feel as though she needed to sit down. Trembling didn't necessarily go along with feeling faint for Gogo. It was nice that the man was concerned for her all the same. Very nice in fact. Gogo shook even more and it had nothing to do with withdrawal. Something about the man made her nervous, but not in a bad way. She felt like she was going to some how screw this up. Some how she was going to push away the first person who was being nice to her in years. It always happened; Gogo tended to be far to proud to except help. She'd scream at someone who offered her money while she was trembling on the street or refuse an offer of shelter from her great aunt. The cruelty of her parents made her never want to depend on anyone other than herself.

Gogo sat in the chair the man lead her over to. She couldn't help, but tap her foot constantly against the floor, her favorite pair of Good Will boots clapping every time she did so. The man told her to stay there while he got up. Gogo listened. He came back with some water for her. Gogo took it but didn't drink. She had no appetite, even for water. She could tell the name was a past or present user because he knew what her symptoms were leading up to. Despite his knowledge, Gogo still didn't drink; she felt like the water would make her worse. So she sat there with the water in one hand and her medicine still being held against her chest by the other.

"My name's Josh"

"I'm Indigo." Gogo said quietly. She never introduced herself as 'Gogo'. She felt her nickname would come up later if she got to know the person. Josh seemed like a very kind man. That or he was just in a good mood that day. You usually didn't find people willing to help one another at the free AIDS clinic. It was usually people like her; users who had hit rock bottom who were only interested in looking out for themselves. Perhaps Josh hadn't been one of them for very long. "It's ok, I'm just glad you helped me. . ." said Gogo in reply to his apology, "seriously, if I didn't have this medicine my whole world would fall apparent. Well, more so than it has. I-I really don't think you know how much this means to me. . ." If Gogo was a more sensitive person she might have cried, but Gogo was Gogo and crying was simply out of the question.

"Yeah, you should drink that water..."

This time Gogo did as she was told; she took a sip of the water. It felt cool and refreshing and surprisingly did hold back her nausea a bit. In fact, she hadn't realized how thirsty she was until her first sip. She quickly gulp down the whole cup.

[doherty]

Josh opened his mouth to reply to Indigo's introduction, but before he could do so she launched into a very detailed and almost hurtfully sincere 'thank you' for what he had done. As she talked, Josh almost adopted a look of pity, but then realized that he was in no position to pity any other person. Honestly... how much worse off was she than he was? He had no right to think that he was any better off than she was, not even for a second, not even if she was putting herself out there, vulnerable to others' pity. Josh was sure that it wasn't Indigo's intention, to get pity, but he found himself wanting to give it anyway. Was that what he had shown before, when they were in line? Pity? No... that couldn't be it. Desmond had already told him... he was too selfish for something like that.

"Don't worry about it," Josh said gently, allowing himself a small and gentle smile. "I understand where you're coming from. I've been without medicine, and I know how crappy things get." There had been a point in time where Josh didn't even have the motivation to pick himself up and go to the free clinic... but that had all changed when he had met that one boy in the park where he had been performing. That one boy, who had given him five dollars and a free lunch, and love and a home and sacrifice and - "And she was being a bitch anyway."

Josh nodded almost sagely when Indigo seemed to be enjoying the water. "See? I told you it would make you feel better," he laughed. "You want me to get you more or anything?" Why was he catering to her so much when before he could hardly even cater to himself? "Or I could walk you home if you want. Just in case something happens on your way?" There was the concern and pity again, but at least she was getting it from somewhere. With the way she had explained it, she wasn't recieving it from anyone else.

[musethee]

It was strange to talk to some one so, well, so much like her. Alone and sick. . . not really knowing where you belong. It was hard for Gogo to go to school with kids who didn't know how good they had it. They always looked down on her like she was something that should be exterminated rather than helped. She was the vermin of St. James Academy. It seemed like Josh knew what that felt like. Hell, everyone at the free AIDS clinic had to know what that felt like. The only difference was that Josh actually took the time to reach out and help someone.

"No thank you." Gogo replied to Josh's offer of more water. He'd already done quite enough to help her, Gogo hated to ask more of him. The offer to walk her home, however, was far more tempting. Her home was just down the street and it was a bad part of town. "Yeah, you can walk me home. . . I'd like that."

Gogo allowed Josh to help her out of the building and down the street. She really was physically ok to walk herself, but having Josh right there just in case was extremely comforting. They stopped abruptly in front of an old beat up purple station wagon. "Home sweet home." said Gogo. It was obvious that she wasn't joking; her school uniform was laying over one of the back seats and other clothing was in piles on the floor. There was a pillow against the inside of one of the door and a blanket sloppily laid across the seats leading up to it as if someone slept there. "yeaah, it's not glamorous, but it's home. . ."