Under Pressure (Marcoh!)

[Zeke Nayakan]

It was Monday, and it took every ounce of strength inside of him to make it out of bed, let alone to school. Once he was there he grabbed his books for first period and took them to his class. Marcoh had asked if he could think about his question over the weekend, and that he would give his answer over the weekend. The weekend was over, and now Zeke was wondering what he would say.

He debated just wandering the hallways, but that didn’t seem like the best idea. Remembering that Marcoh was usually in the library in the mornings, Zeke decided that he had a larger chance of running into him if he waited there.

Making his way down to the library, which was a floor below his first period class, Ezekiel wondered what Marcoh was going to say about his injuries. His face was scratched up and his eye was still black and blue. It was obvious he’d had some pretty severe damage done. The better question wasn’t what Marcoh would say, but rather what he would say to Marcoh. Would he tell him the truth? That he’d kissed Christian, but it was over now? Or would he pretend nothing had happened? That was the real question. That was his real test.

[Marcoh Kinsley]

Monday had come both far too quickly and far too slowly, Marcoh thought anxiously as he rested his head against the near-frozen glass of the school bus window.

He'd been torn for the majority of the weekend, using the time Zeke left until late Saturday night to weigh the pros and cons of a relationship. On one hand, Marcoh was steadily falling in love with Zeke and wanted nothing more than to be with him. He was kind, intelligent, and strong, yet utterly gentle. And he was totally gorgeous - that was a major plus. It almost seemed wrong to have to think about dating Zeke; it just seemed so perfect.

But Marcoh's fear had proved, as it always had before, to be a formidable force against his wants. Images of bloody noses and verbal abuse flooded his mind, ridicule rang in his ears. It scared him, the thought of being cussed at and insulted on a daily basis, even assaulted just because of the way he was. His fears ran a deeper than that, however, and even forced the possible reality of alienation from his classmates. Guys who, while they weren't very good friends, talked to him casually would most likely ignore or refuse to associate with him for fear of being labeled gay themselves. That loss of contact, as little as it was, would send him into a loneliness he'd never known before.

Of course, reason kicked in at that point and made him realize that he'd have Zeke, and that as "controversial" being gay was, he wouldn't become the immediate subject of bullying or attention. He was still a geeky sort of loner; being gay wouldn't change that. Even if he did get picked on, it would be by the guys who were already obnoxious in their manner of teasing, nothing terribly different from before.

So it was Saturday night when he made his decision. And naturally, Sunday seemed to drag by without any sign of ending. He couldn't fall asleep until two o'clock, which only made the waiting worse, his mind populated with possible outcomes of the next day's events.

Eventually Monday came and left Marcoh more antsy and uncoordinated than usual. Between listening to Michelle's graphic predictions of his and Zeke's physical relationship and tripping over his own feet while trying to get dressed, he came up with a sort of vision of what was going to happen. He'd walk into school, spot Zeke, go up to him, and...

...well, he wasn't sure what he'd do. His original thought was to kiss him, but it really depended on the state of his nerves at the time.

That time had come moments later when his bus lurched to a stop in front of the high school. Awkwardly filing into the aisle, Marcoh kept his breath steady and under control. He wasn't as anxious as to have an asthma attack of some kind, but the more calm and less spastic he acted, the better, so he took his time walking along the east corridor toward his locker. Instead of shuffling along as usual, he kept an eye out for Zeke, lest he get caught off-guard.

Unfortunately, he did get caught off-guard, but not until after he had put his bookbag and coat away and had begun to wander the building. Marcoh had dropped off his books at his first period class unlike usual, just because he wanted to have open hands when he met up with Zeke, in case of some physical contact - again, if his nerves could handle it.

But as the minutes went by, Marcoh became uncertain if his nerves were even going to be be present if he even saw Zeke that day. He'd made a round trip through the school and the boy in question was nowhere to be found. It was his luck; the time he was most excited to see him, he was missing.

Feeling rather dejected, he wandered down to the library to spend the rest of the morning online visiting his usual sites. That was when he got caught off-guard - who happened to be there but Zeke. Marcoh felt a tad stupid for not realizing that it was the place Zeke would expect to see him, so he'd naturally go there. Opening the doors and walking over to greet him, Marcoh was caught off-guard once again. This time, however, it was the worst kind of scenario to be caught off-guard in.

His walk turned into a jog and he approached Zeke with a fearful look in his eyes, hands reaching up to touch the marred skin.

"God, Zeke, what happened to you?"

[Zeke Nayakan]

Ezekiel was beginning to fear that, after everything he had been through over the weekend, Marcoh wasn’t going to show. Looking up to check the clock on the wall every two minutes or so, he was beginning to doubt that Marcoh had decided upon a positive answer and was avoiding him to avoid an awkward turn down. Yes, that had to be it. That had to be why the sophomore wasn’t in the library that morning, like he always was, like Zeke expected him to be.

He was almost ready to get up and leave when the door to the library swung open, and a rather dejected Marcoh Kinsley made his way in. He started to go over to his computer like usual when he spotted Zeke, and Zeke smiled a little despite the pain that was caused by stretching his muscles too far in his face. The movement of the cuts was still tender, even though he had been healing for an entire day since the incident Saturday night.

Just seeing Marcoh was a reassurance. Perhaps he shouldn’t have given up hope so easily. Perhaps things might work out for him this time around. He had officially broken things off with Christian in the hopes that something might become of a relationship with Marcoh, and he hoped that it hadn’t been for nothing.

It was just then that he realized what he must have looked like, what his face must have looked like, and how horrible he must have come across as sitting there that morning. Of course it was a shock for Marcoh; he had no idea what had happened over the weekend. Why should he? Leave it up to Zeke to take care of the little details and forget about the bigger picture.

"God, Zeke, what happened to you?"

Zeke winced slightly at Marcoh’s touch, but the ends of his lips still curled up into a smile as a small series of goose bumps covered his skin. What was he going to say? How could he explain everything and not end up scaring Marcoh away? The obvious answer was to only tell half the story, leave out certain things, but that just didn’t seem right. If he lied now, and the truth came out later, then that would make him look like a horrible person. He didn’t want that to happen. Not for any reason.

“I… it’s a long story,” he said, shaking his head. He wanted to leave it at that, but knew things couldn’t be so easy. He was still having an internal debate over how much he wanted to tell Marcoh, and decided upon the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him God.

“There was an incident. Involving my… my ex.” It felt so weird to be able to say that now. “I…” he started, then stopped. He decided to start this whole thing over. “I want to tell you what happened, but you have to promise not to judge me until I finish the whole story. Okay?”

It was a risky move, but he had to say something. And his story needed a bit of an introduction so that he didn’t come off as creepy for climbing in through his ex’s window. Maybe he’d leave that part out.

((ooc- got to go do dishes now. lame.))

[Marcoh Kinsley]

“I… it’s a long story... There was an incident. Involving my… my ex. I…”

A tight knot formed in Marcoh's chest as a flurry of questions entered his mind: What kind of incident? Are you still seeing your ex? Did he do this you? I'll kick his ass... at algebra or something.

However, Zeke appeared too conflicted to deal with his questions at the moment, so he patiently let him continue. It was apparent he was going to offer some sort of story, and after hearing about the dramatic separation Zeke and his boyfriend had gone through, Marcoh knew he'd have to be as calm and collected as possible. Listening and sympathizing were going to be his strong points in this conversation; it was the very least he could offer.

"I want to tell you what happened, but you have to promise not to judge me until I finish the whole story. Okay?”

The tightening in Marcoh's chest grew worse at that point, simply due to the careful way Zeke began to talk. Something had happened, and while his optimistic side insisted that - besides the injuries - it was nothing serious, he braced himself for whatever had to be said.

"Of course." Marcoh replied, voice surprisingly steady in the face of his increasing anxiety.

[Zeke Nayakan]

"Of course."

Zeke smiled then, just for a brief moment. Despite the story he had to tell, the fact that Marcoh was being so patient and understanding astounded him. At the mentioning of his ex boyfriend Zeke had imagined the sophomore growing confused, stuttering and stammering again, but he hadn’t. He’d kept calm, and seemed to be willing to hear him out. He hasn’t heard my story yet, Zeke reminded himself, but knew that he had to continue on. He had started, and there was no turning back.

Fate is everything. It is inexorable, and it was playing a huge part in Zeke’s life recently. If he said all that he had to said and Marcoh still wanted to be with him, then it would be a miracle. He didn’t even know if Marcoh wanted to be with him anyway; he had never given him a response. All of that aside, Zeke knew that Marcoh deserved an explanation. He was about to get one.

“I told you about how Christian and I got, well, separated? Well, we never officially ended our relationship. After I asked you whether or not you wanted to date me, I felt kind of guilty about it, so I went to see Christian. I went to make sure we were both on the same page, that things were finally over between us, despite our meeting the other day. I got there…”

Zeke had to stop for a moment to gather his thoughts. He was starting to speak a little more quickly than he had started off, and didn’t want to sound like he was rambling. He also didn’t want to leave anything important out of Saturday’s events. Zeke knew it would be important to tell the whole truth, lay everything out on the table, and allow Marcoh to judge accordingly. He started again.

“I got there, and it was a little awkward.” I climbed in through his window, he corrected himself mentally. “We talked, and then, well, then we kissed. That wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did. Then we realized that things were never supposed to work out, and we ended it. For good.”

Zeke stopped there, because that was what he had wanted to tell him most of all. He wanted to admit that he had kissed his ex. “I wanted you to know. I know I just asked you out, and you never said yes, so it wasn’t like I was doing anything wrong, but, well, no. No, it was wrong. And I shouldn’t have gotten caught up in the moment like I did, and I’m sorry.” There, it was said. He knew that this must have been a lot for Marcoh to take in, and he hoped that he could at least appreciate his honesty about the whole situation, and realize that Zeke cared enough about Marcoh to want to tell him everything up front. He hoped that all of this wasn’t for nothing, and that Marcoh hadn’t found him just to tell him no, he didn’t want a relationship. Not that Zeke could blame him now.

“But I guess that doesn’t explain my face,” he continued. “I told you about Christian’s parents, and how strict they are? Well, his father saw me leaving Christian’s room, and caught me off guard… with a rake.” After this comment, Ezekiel gave a rueful smile at the memory. “He caught me with it, cut me up pretty well, punched me in the stomach, and then told me never to speak to anyone in his family or step foot on his property ever again. It wasn’t hard to agree to, since Christian and I officially broke it off now, but… well, he got his point across. I suppose he never liked me very much,” he added with a slight smile, hoping that Marcoh wasn’t too frightened by his weekend’s adventures.

Zeke waited expectantly for any sort of reaction from his sophomore friend.

((ooc- ugg! I need to put more time into these things...))

[Marcoh Kinsley]

“I told you about how Christian and I got, well, separated? Well, we never officially ended our relationship. After I asked you whether or not you wanted to date me, I felt kind of guilty about it, so I went to see Christian. I went to make sure we were both on the same page, that things were finally over between us, despite our meeting the other day. I got there…”

Marcoh blanched slightly, already understanding the suggestive tone of Zeke's voice. Something between Christian and him, and not just the violence, had obviously occurred. And although Marcoh would've liked to have a blissfully innocent mindset, he was already suspecting exactly what had happened.


“I got there, and it was a little awkward. We talked, and then, well, then we kissed. That wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did. Then we realized that things were never supposed to work out, and we ended it. For good.”

It was hard to get past the kissing part - just imagining Zeke with another boy made him cringe with a jealousy he hadn't known before - but he knew he had to keep calm, like he promised he would. After all, Zeke had said it was over and that it wasn't going to happen again.

“I wanted you to know. I know I just asked you out, and you never said yes, so it wasn’t like I was doing anything wrong, but, well, no. No, it was wrong. And I shouldn’t have gotten caught up in the moment like I did, and I’m sorry.”

Marcoh wanted to interrupt at that point and say that Zeke didn't have to apologize, that he was used to being wronged, but he couldn't really manage anything, not even stammering self-degredations.

“But I guess that doesn’t explain my face. I told you about Christian’s parents, and how strict they are? Well, his father saw me leaving Christian’s room, and caught me off guard… with a rake. He caught me with it, cut me up pretty well, punched me in the stomach, and then told me never to speak to anyone in his family or step foot on his property ever again. It wasn’t hard to agree to, since Christian and I officially broke it off now, but… well, he got his point across. I suppose he never liked me very much.”


Holy shit.

With all that laid down on the table, Marcoh wasn't sure what to say. He was concerned, hurt, horrified, confused, and a little bit of everything else.

"Oh." he said softly, trying to offer some semblance of response. Zeke had bared a lot in that minute and Marcoh didn't want him to feel like he did the wrong thing. Not that he did... or maybe he did. He wasn't sure, but he felt like the situation could go either way from that point on.

[Zeke Nayakan]

As he was telling the long, detailed narrative of his Saturday night excursion, Ezekiel couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing the right thing. Of course, when it came to an ethical standpoint he was. Marcoh deserved to know that he had been unfaithful to him, in theory, even though they weren’t actually together and Christian had initiated the kiss. Not the mention the fact that Marcoh had asked what happened to his face, even if he hadn’t known the severity of what that answer involved, and had a right to get a truthful answer.

Zeke braced himself for all sorts of responses. He was ready for anger, for sadness, for betrayal, or even (if things worked out in his favor) for concern. And as Marcoh opened his mouth to respond he found his heart beating faster in anticipation.

"Oh."

So that was it. Even though his tone didn’t really say much of anything it was obvious that the whole ordeal had left him speechless, which was never a good thing. Never. Zeke knew that by being honest and by telling the truth he may have just thrown away his chances of having a relationship with Marcoh, yet that was the risk he had to take. He couldn’t live through a relationship, even a friendship, which was started on a lie. It would never hold true.

“I’m sorry,” Zeke said again, this time with an undertone of defeat in his voice. “I know this isn’t fair to put on you all at once, but… but I couldn’t lie to you, not at this point. I just wanted to let you know that it’s over between Christian and me. No matter what you decide, it had been for a while, he just hadn’t wanted to let it go.” Zeke didn’t want Marcoh to feel like he’d gone through all that just because he wanted to ask Marcoh out, because that might pressure him to say yes and Zeke didn’t want that. He made it clear that things between the two of them had been over long ago (or, at least, they should have been).

“And I just wanted to be honest with you. Because you deserve that much,” he continued, since Marcoh had been keeping silent, and the silence was soon going to grow awkward. “And if you never want to speak to me again because you think I’m a raving lunatic, well, I can’t say I’d blame you,” he admitted, sighing slightly as he sat back down in his chair by the computer where he’d been waiting for Marcoh earlier.

[Marcoh Kinsley]

“I’m sorry. I know this isn’t fair to put on you all at once, but… but I couldn’t lie to you, not at this point. I just wanted to let you know that it’s over between Christian and me. No matter what you decide, it had been for a while, he just hadn’t wanted to let it go.”


Marcoh fidgeted with his fingernails as he watched Zeke with a helpless expression. What was he supposed to do? It really hurt to hear Zeke's exploits with his ex, but he wasn't exactly mad, just confused as to why he'd still had interest in Christian- at least, enough to kiss him - when he'd already asked Marcoh out. Distrust wasn't the issue there, just the fact that perhaps Zeke didn't really like him as much as he'd thought. It wouldn't be surprising if he'd been the subject of misplaced emotion, and Marcoh didn't want Zeke to feel as if he was trapped in an undesirable situation by his own question.


“And I just wanted to be honest with you. Because you deserve that much. And if you never want to speak to me again because you think I’m a raving lunatic, well, I can’t say I’d blame you."

"I-I don't... blame you, I just... I just wonder if..." he began, trying to organize his emotions into words that actually meant something, not just incoherent babbling.

"Do you really like me, Zeke?" he found himself asking abruptly, any sort of eloquence in asking flying out the window. "Because... it's okay if you don't. I mean, don't feel like you have to, you know, be with me if you changed your mind. It's okay... I just don't want to... be a burden."

Marcoh felt the tears form on his eyes and attempted to blink them away. Damnit, the last thing he needed was to look pitiable, especially when he just laid Zeke's 'get-out-of-jail-free-card' on the line.

[Zeke Nayakan]

There wasn’t much more for Ezekiel to do other than hold his breath and wait for Marcoh to say something. He knew that the younger boy was taking a little while to take in everything he had just said, and he couldn’t blame him for not speaking right away. After all, Zeke couldn’t imagine what he’d say if he had been confronted with all of that at once. It was a lot to deal with.

There was just one question that Zeke was concerned with, though. He had asked Marcoh out on Friday, and the sophomore had stated that he needed the weekend to think about it. Zeke had wanted to be completely honest with him before he answered, but now he feared that it would be his honesty that changed Marcoh’s answer, or reaffirmed his previous thoughts of turning him down. This wasn’t at all what he had intended…

"I-I don't... blame you, I just... I just wonder if..."

Zeke found himself leaning forward a bit, as if anticipating what Marcoh was going to say next. He wanted him to just come right out and say what was on his mind, whatever it was. He couldn’t help but feel left hanging there, after telling Marcoh everything that he felt about the situation, and just getting a reply of ‘Oh’. Not that he blamed him for his response, since it must’ve been a lot to hear, but still… he had to have some opinion of the whole situation!

"Do you really like me, Zeke?" Zeke’s eyes widened a bit in shock. He wasn’t sure if he understood correctly. He’d officially broken things off with his ex just to make sure he was completely single, beyond any shadow of a doubt, just in case Marcoh would come here today and say yes. Of course, Christian had kissed him, but that had been their last kiss, forever, and he’d made that clear to Marcoh. He hadn’t seen Christian in a year, so it wasn’t like Marcoh was a rebound or anything…

"Because... it's okay if you don't. I mean, don't feel like you have to, you know, be with me if you changed your mind. It's okay... I just don't want to... be a burden."

As if that wasn’t enough, Zeke noticed the glistening tears in the corners of Marcoh’s eyes. He just wanted to reach out and take the younger boy in his arms, hugging him and comforting him until his self-confidence rose to a normal level. He could just sense the self-deprecation seeping off of him, and it made Zeke want to cry a little as well.

And, in a movement that surprised even himself, he did reach out, wrapping his arms around Marcoh in a comforting hug. He didn’t say anything for a moment, then he cleared his throat. “Marcoh, that isn’t what I meant at all,” he said, his tone a mixture of disbelief and relief. If that had been what was worrying him, then maybe he was going to say yes after all! “Of course I really like you. I mean, as much as someone who’s only known someone else for about a week can like someone. You’re different, you’re special… you’re unique. I’m glad we kissed, and I’m glad I asked you out. I meant every bit of it,” he said, though softly so that no one else could overhear. There were very few people in the library at this hour of the morning, but if Marcoh was still nervous about ‘coming out’ then Zeke didn’t want anybody to overhear their conversation.

“You’re anything but a burden. I told you about Christian because if you wanted to go out with me then I wanted to start everything on a clean slate. No secrets. I want this to work,” he emphasized. “If you don’t want to, that’s okay, but I wasn’t trying to scare you off because I changed my mind. I haven’t been so sure of anything in a long time.”

By this point Zeke had loosened his grip on Marcoh and moved back from the hug, looking into his eyes.

((ooc- that seemed very random and rambling, but I guess that’s how he’d really act in this situation. Kind of rambling on… yeah. That, or I’m just tired.))

[Marcoh Kinsley]

“Marcoh, that isn’t what I meant at all. Of course I really like you. I mean, as much as someone who’s only known someone else for about a week can like someone. You’re different, you’re special… you’re unique. I’m glad we kissed, and I’m glad I asked you out. I meant every bit of it."

Marcoh nearly melted in Zeke's arms as he was held, comforted by the reassuring touch and words. It was like Zeke knew exactly what he needed to hear, but was completely honest as well. It hardly needed to be said, but Marcoh was not a terribly confident guy and the affection that Zeke had displayed toward him was the only time he'd felt wanted by someone. If he had taken back his offer... Marcoh didn't want to think about that. Instead, he preferred to cling to Zeke and dab at the tears of relief that had involuntarily fallen from his eyes.

“You’re anything but a burden. I told you about Christian because if you wanted to go out with me then I wanted to start everything on a clean slate. No secrets. I want this to work. If you don’t want to, that’s okay, but I wasn’t trying to scare you off because I changed my mind. I haven’t been so sure of anything in a long time.”

As Zeke pulled away, Marcoh couldn't help but smile at the amount of alleviation that coursed through him. He said he wanted it to work, that he was sure that it was him he wanted... that was enough for Marcoh.

However, he was speechless as well as relieved, and couldn't find the right words to say. In that moment of indecisiveness and empowerment, Marcoh found the courage in himself - and in Zeke's eyes - to lean in and kiss Zeke softly on the mouth, tentatively, cautiously, but with as much trust as he'd ever afforded anyone.


[ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww]

[Zeke Nayakan]

Zeke realized that when he pulled away Marcoh was smiling. He wasn't angry or upset any more. He wasn't judgemental, and he wasn't trying to make excuses. Marcoh was smile, and he looked rather relieved. That made Zeke relieved. So, did that mean he was okay with everything? Zeke had to admit that if he'd been asked out, then told that the next day the boy had made out with his ex, well, he wouldn't have been quite so forgiving. But Marcoh seemed to be over the worst of it.

There was another silence, and Zeke was afraid that things were going to get awkward again. He knew he was talking a lot, but that was only to make up for the fact that Marcoh wasn't saying anything. At all. Zeke was about to say something else when Marcoh leaned forward. It took him a moment to realize that the younger boy was leaning in for a kiss. He was making the first move!

Zeke returned the kiss, though it was a soft and self-conscious one, his own smiling lips pressing against Marcoh's. "So, is that a yes?" he asked coyly. "Because if it was, then I was wondering... if you would like to go to the Homecoming Dance with me?"

[Marcoh Kinsley]

"So, is that a yes? Because if it was, then I was wondering... if you would like to go to the Homecoming Dance with me?"

All of the confidence Marcoh had gained in their kiss made its absence apparent as he became speechless and flustered at Zeke's question. To be asked to homecoming... well, crazy fireworks and shit.

"I... um. Ah, well, oh my god. Of course. Of course, always of course. Oh my god, Zeke." he managed breathlessly, more than extremely overwhelmed and excited at the same time. The nagging, more pesimisstic (sp?) side of his mind reminded him of the fear he'd had only moments before, but ecstasy and relief had had their way with him and left him in a giddy stupor, forgetful of the worries he'd been plagued with for the past week.

Summary of his thoughts: "Holy shit."

[Zeke Nayakan]

"I... um. Ah, well, oh my god. Of course. Of course, always of course. Oh my god, Zeke."

It was impossible to hold back the laugh that Zeke gave, and he only hoped that Marcoh would take it as a good-natured laugh - nothing against him. That had just been the craziest string of words that he'd ever chanced to hear, and the fact that they had come from Marcoh made them all that much better.

"I'd be careful what you promise there," he commented, referring to the 'always of course' portion of his little spurt. There was the tiniest hint of a smirk to his face, and he covered it up by laughing a little again. "Well, I'm glad you said yes," he said, becoming serious again. "Don't worry about the tickets, I've got them covered," he added. Since he had invited Marcoh he had bought two tickets, since he was his guest he shouldn't feel obligated to spend any money.