A surprise visit.

[Zeke Nayakan]

Ezekiel wondered for a brief moment if he was going insane. He hadn’t been sure about what he planned on doing, and so he had decided to walk to Christian’s house. It wasn’t terribly far from his own house, and it gave him time to think. Think about life, school, love… pretty much everything that was running through his head at the moment. He had been floating through life without anything really eventful up until a few days ago, when he had chanced upon Marcoh in a closet, being threatened by Randy and Brad. From there, well…

So that had been it. He had kissed Marcoh. Marcoh had kissed him back. End of story. Except that wasn’t the end of the story. Only two days ago Zeke had run into Christian at the pizza shop next to the karate place. There had definitely been some tension, as well as a few strong emotions that were obviously present. And then Zeke had said something, and Christian had left in a hurry. He couldn’t remember exactly what was said, but he did remember that it was Christian’s first chance out of the house alone since his parents had essentially grounded him for life. That had been partially Zeke’s fault.

But now wasn’t the time to think about that fateful day. No, this was a whole new level of drama. There had been a connection, yes, but Zeke was afraid that Christian was still, well, waiting for him, in a way. They had never actually broken up, but they had been torn apart and hadn’t seen each other for a whole year. While Zeke though he had moved on, Christian seemed to have been waiting for him, for a chance for them to be together. And he was afraid that Christian had left with that thought still in tact. Zeke had felt the need to leave out his new crush, which had developed quite a bit over the past 24 hours. Now he felt guilty.

Which brought him back to his walk… which had come to an abrupt end as he realized that he was now in front of Christian’s house. He decided to take a walk to make sure that he really wanted to go through with this. He needed to tell Christian about Marcoh so that he could leave the past behind him and move on with his life. After all, Christian couldn’t spend forever waiting for his parents to allow him to see Zeke again, could he?

With his built up arm strength from karate it was even easier to climb the tree outside of Christian’s window than he remembered. This had been his way of sneaking into his house back when they’d been dating last year. The tree had been trimmed a little, but it was still climbable. He just had to make sure not to make too much noise, or alert Christian’s parents.

Balancing carefully on the edge of a branch, Zeke tried the window. Locked. Taking a deep breath, he knocked quietly on the window twice. Hopefully Christian would be in his room… hopefully.

[Christian Hart]

Christian was at his desk, studying as diligently as a repressed, gay boy could when he heard the two knocks.

It was Zeke.

He knew this automatically; it was a system they set up to see each other in secret. They would agree on a time at classes and Zeke would come, climb the tree and knock twice. This insured that it wasn't simply a tree branch tapping at his window and would also alert Christian of his presence. If one of his parents was present, he would strike the wall innocently and claim that it was just the tree scratching the glass, that it happened all the time. Zeke would hear his fist against the wall and would know to descend. The tree was to the slight right of the window, allowing him to escape in good time.

It was a complicated idea, and only came in handy once, but it'd been their way of defying his parents, of outwitting anyone who wanted to come between them. Naturally, after his mother discovered their relationship, she also discovered their probable methods and hired a landscaper to cut the branches closest to his window. Over time, she forgot about upkeeping the trimmed tree, so the resilient timber grew back. And, over time, Christian believed that Zeke would once again come knocking at his window.

Needless to say, recent events changed that idealistic perspective he'd had.

While his heart clung to every shred of hope he had left in his body, his mind could do nothing but replay that scene at the pizza parlor, where he told Zeke not to come back for him. Christian knew Zeke, probably more intimately than his own parents, but despite the persistance he usually displayed, Zeke was also smart in picking his battles.

So, while he sat, frozen at his desk, Christian knew this wouldn't be a pleasant meeting, as he had hoped for, for the past year. This explained his indecision when it came to answering that knock.

But today, his need for closure was matched in his indecision, so he stood up and crept toward the window, spotting the boy that made him melt and shiver at the same time. Wordlessly, he unlatched the lock and pushed the frame up slowly, every precaution of their secret meetings vividly reintroducing themselves to his mind.

[Zeke Nayakan]

((ooc- this post is going to be short, I have to go to work soon! But I figured since I work until around 5-6, something would be better than nothing.))

He waited, carefully poised on the branch as close to the window as possible. There was a small gust of wind and the branch swayed, forcing him to hold on for support. Was that a sign? He'd been doing well with receiving signes when he needed them most... maybe this was a bad omen. Plus, Christian hadn't come by to open the window yet. Maybe he wasn't home, or perhaps he was downstairs?

Zeke was losing his nerve as more seconds passed by. With bated breath, he froze as he saw a shadow pass by the window, accompanied by the sounds of movement in Christian's room. There was the click of the latch on the window, and Zeke realized that he'd been holding his breath. Letting it out now before Christian could open the window, he found that he was more nervous now that he had ever been before.

As the window was pushed up, Zeke waited until it was all the way up before he slowly stepped inside, making sure not to kick anything or knock anything over. It was just like every other time he'd done this, and it was all so second nature to him. As he stepped inside, his breath caught in his throat as his eyes rested upon Christian. It had only been two days since he'd found him again, yet every time he appeared it was like a ghost from the past coming back to... well, haunt wasn't exactly the word, but it gave the right visual image.

Instinctively, he softly made his way over to the door on the other side of the room. He deftly turned the lock, knowing that two parental walk-ins was more than enough for the rest of his life.

"Hey," he said, finally turning back around to face Christian. He found that his body was filled with the overwhelming desire to kiss him, right then and there, and was very, very, very, very, very confused. Of course he wasn't sure about Marcoh, but he had a good thing going for him right now? Why did all of this have to happen at once?

[Christian Hart]

"Hi." Christian replied quietly, finding it difficult to look Zeke in the eye when he was standing right there, in his room. They'd parted on strange terms, and he wasn't sure what was going to happen now. But Zeke had taken the initiative to come there on his own, so it had to be important.

"Do you want to sit down?" he asked, the gracious host in him speaking out. Christian gestured to the left half of his room where his desk chair sat... and his bed. That was a bit awkward. However, he'd dealt with awkward enough before to know that it didn't usually phase Zeke.

The tension had built in seconds, and he waited for Zeke to say what he came to say, good or bad.

[Zeke Nayakan]

”Hi.”

It was nice to hear his voice again, like he used to. It was weird that after so long a time things seemed to be falling back into place. It was just like old times. Everything had some serious déjà vu attached to it, and Zeke found himself a bit too comfortable in this situation.

"Do you want to sit down?"

Zeke was tempted to say no, but he knew that this might take a while. He was losing his nerve; he’d come here to break things off, to make sure they were clearer about where they stood than when they’d parted at the pizza place. But as he gazed into Christian’s eyes, he saw the love he’d once had reflected back at him. Poor, timid Christian… his student, at one point, even though age-wise they were peers. Some teacher he’d been.

“Sure,” he said, glancing at the desk chair and the bed. He had a quick decision to make, and weighed his choices. Desk chairs were so uncomfortable, but the bed might send the wrong signal. Not that he didn’t want to, but he couldn’t. Shouldn’t.

“Thanks,” he added, finally making his way over to Christian’s desk chair. He’d let Christian take a seat on his own bed, and that way everybody won. “Listen… I felt bad about how we left off at the pizza shop. I just wanted to talk to you again.”

This was all he could manage to say at the moment. Maybe Christian would say something that would make everything clear in his head. Maybe not.

((ooc- crap, but I know you wanted something...))

[Christian Hart]

“Listen… I felt bad about how we left off at the pizza shop. I just wanted to talk to you again.”

Christian nodded. He'd seen that coming, considering his little bout of theatrics, and couldn't help but feel a bit ashamed. In reflection, storming out seemed to be a silly, nearly childish reaction to the situation, but in the intensity of the moment, Christian knew he needed to get out of there or he'd break down. That, he was certain, was the last thing Zeke wanted to deal with: a teary, hypocritical ex.

But even saying that to himself made him choke on the lump in his throat. Ex.... the term seemed so permanent. Everything had seemed like one long pause - a god awfully long pause - but just a pause nonetheless. With everything that happened, it was obvious that what was once, in his mind, considered a pause, was now becoming a sure and inevitable break up. It truly pained him to admit that, especially because of their renewed contact (however sparse it was).

But Christian needed that pain. He needed to magnify it and focus it on any hope he had left. If he didn't... he knew there'd be no way for him to let go.

"I'm sorry about that. I did have to go, I mean, but I shouldn't have left so abruptly. It was ridiculous." he replied calmly, fingering the bedspread absently between his knuckles. All he needed to do was keep his composure, to keep a straight face and take the pain headfirst.

[so, I ended up being lazy and not posting the flashback. maybe next post.]

[Zeke Nayakan]

Zeke was running out of things to think about, so he jumped Christian right then, threw him onto the bed, and had his way with him. (Just kidding, of course! Only, I’ve been staring at a blank page for about ten minutes now, and I had to write something or else I think I would’ve exploded.) But really…

~*~

Zeke noticed little things. He made it a point to think about subtle things that many people didn’t even realize about themselves, just because it gave away so much more about a person than what they really wanted to tell you. The saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ came to mind just then as Zeke sat there on the chair, watching Christian’s every move. He watched as he swallowed hard, and Zeke knew that look all too well. He was thinking of something that was making him emotional, and he wanted to hide it. It seemed like he’d been more emotional over the past three days than he ever had been in his life. It was quite ridiculous.

Realizing that he was nervous about this meeting as well, he hadn’t even been aware that on his lap his fingers had intertwined. Why must he fidget? He smiled a little when he realized that Christian was fidgeting with the bedspread as he sat there. So it seemed like the two of them still shared a few similar characteristics after all.

"I'm sorry about that. I did have to go, I mean, but I shouldn't have left so abruptly. It was ridiculous."

“No, don’t apologize. It was my fault. I was just caught off guard by your being there, that I don’t think I said the right things. No… no, I think I said all the wrong things. Or worse yet, I left some things left unsaid,” Zeke stated, realizing that if he didn’t stop to compose his thoughts he probably would’ve rambled on like that forever.

“How are you? How have you been? How’s school? Your friends? Life?” there was so much they needed to catch up on. Zeke knew he had come here to tell him about Marcoh, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not as he sat there, staring into Christian’s bright, welcoming eyes. They had always been his favorite thing (physically, that is) about Christian. Those eyes… he melted inside every time.

“I feel like I abandoned you. I know there was nothing either of us could do, but after I couldn’t come here anymore… I felt like I had abandoned you,” he repeated, not knowing how else to explain how he had felt for the longest time since their ‘split’. He had gotten over the feeling in recent months, but now it had come up all over again as he realized how hard this must’ve been for Christian. At least Zeke had been free to do what he pleased for the past year, while Christian had been a prisoner in his own home. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you… that I couldn’t do anything to help.”

((ooc- where the hell did that come from? Huh.))

[Christian Hart]

“How are you? How have you been? How’s school? Your friends? Life?”

Christian became speechless at Zeke's sudden inquiries. He'd been prepared for an official break off, prepared to accept the fact that he moved on, but what Zeke was saying... it was completely surprising, and threw him totally off guard. What would he say? That life was fine and wonderful or completely and miserably empty? That he had no friends, that school made the days drag by, that his family was hell to live with, but the only sanctuary he had? No, no, he couldn't say any of those things. They were too dishonest and too harsh, respectively, and neither left them in a comfortable situation. Zeke could see past the lies and become worried as well as he could become guilty over the truth. It was a lose-lose situation either way, so Christian decided to take the vaguest, middle path.

But he'd taken too long to formulate that response, and Zeke spoke again.


“I feel like I abandoned you. I know there was nothing either of us could do, but after I couldn’t come here anymore… I felt like I had abandoned you. I'm sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you… that I couldn’t do anything to help.”

Again, words that reached out and strangled the thoughts he might've voiced. They were touching, completely and utterly touching, and for an instant, Christian was an emotional mess, dazed and confused and everything related. In the past year, he'd never heard words so truly caring and honest. Everything always seemed so forced and bitter, a life full of fake masks and fake words. Now, with those sentiments and that voice and those eyes and that boy, the boy he loved, every mask shattered and left him bare, enough so for his emotions to overflow.

And in that instant, that moment of weakness, he made a mistake.

Christian kissed him.

[Zeke Nayakan]

Zeke knew that this wasn’t what he had come to say. He kept telling himself that he should just tell Christian about Marcoh and leave, hoping that the news wouldn’t bring about irreparable damage to whatever hopes of a normal friendship the two of them may have a chance of keeping after this encounter. He knew that this should have been short and sweet; simple and to the point. Yet every time he thought he could open his mouth and utter the truth he found himself faltering. Damn, he could be so weak sometimes.

There was a long silence in between his words, during which time he was afraid that his honesty had put Christian off. He hadn’t meant to say any of those things, those words about regret, abandonment, but they had been the truth. He knew that when he told Christian about Marcoh, and the fact that he was probably going to have a serious boyfriend come Monday, then the whole night would be over. Neither of them would want to stick around much longer after that. That was his reasoning. This is what Zeke told himself to justify his sudden cowardice in the face of his news. He wanted to make sure that Christian knew he felt awful about not seeing him in so long after the two of them had been so close.

There was more silence. Zeke locked eyes with Christian, trying to search them for hints of what he was feeling or thinking. He got that hint when, before he knew what was happening, Christian approached him and their lips touched. At first, Zeke was in shock. He hadn’t expected it, and his initial reaction was to kiss Christian back. He knew in his mind that it was wrong, that he shouldn’t be doing this, but his heart told him that it was right. It felt like they had never really separated, like they had been together forever, like it had been before. It felt like they were one again.

That made this all the more difficult for Zeke, who had kissed back. Now he had no one to blame for whatever happened other than himself. As their lips pressed harder Zeke could feel the tension melting away. They were falling into old habits, and he found himself reaching up and gripping Christian’s arm, more forcefully than he had intended, caught up in the moment. He used his other hand to brush the hair from his face. In the process he brushed his hand against Christian’s cheek and allowed it to stay there, if only for a moment. His skin was so soft…

((ooc- I’m guessing Zeke is still sitting… was Christian sitting? So did he stand up to kiss him, or were they sitting that close together? I wasn’t sure, so I’ll leave my post at that. It works with all the scenarios. ^_^))

[Christian Hart]

Christian let out the softest and quickest pant of air before engaging Zeke's mouth again, knowing that the briefest of hesitations would break their reunion. He knew that he shouldn't have kissed him, knew that the intent of their near-conversation had been thwarted, but none of it seemed to matter with Zeke close and willing, responding to the inital contact. All of his thoughts seemed to make their exit at that point, senses zeroing in on his body's reactions to touch. The hand on his cheek made his skin tingle and his heart melt. Zeke, god, Zeke was here and kissing him and it was absolutely wonderful for how "wrong" it supposedly was.

Clawing at his former lover's shirt, both for balance and a release of surpressed and eager hormones, Christian shuddered and pressed into the kiss further, secretly - or maybe not so secretly, what with his obvious desire - hoping it would never end.

[Zeke Nayakan]

For the first time in his life, Ezekiel allowed his heart to overpower his mind. He was tired of fighting his impulses, tired of all of that self-control and restraint that he was forced to learn, endure, and abide by in his life. Live the way of the black belt and all of that ancient control bull. That was no way for an eighteen-year-old boy to have to spend his adolescence. Eighteen-year-old boys lived off their impulses and learned from whatever mistakes they made in the process.

He knew that he had started something with Marcoh, but nothing was official yet. At least, that was what Zeke kept telling himself over and over again to make this seem just a little better in his mind. A little more… proper. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was somehow like cheating. Jesus, his life was a mess. And this was the perfect escape.

Christian grabbed at his shirt, and Zeke found himself unable to pull himself away no matter how hard he tried. He told himself that it had to end there, but instead he found himself doing the exact opposite. Leaning into the kiss more, Zeke moved himself up off of his chair and closer to Christian, wrapping his arm around Christian’s back to support him as he made the transition, lips still locket fervently.

He stood up, supported Christian, and forced him to fall back on the bed. He was trying to be gentle, but his sudden return of passionate feelings towards Christian caused him to be a little rough with his actions. Zeke rested his body as gently on top of Christian as he pushed him back onto the bed, a hand on either side of him. He let out the smallest of moans, allowing himself to get caught up in the moment. Yes, it was just like old times.

((ooc- Ugg. Crap, but at least it's something. My head hurts.))

[Christian Hart]

Christian complied to their shift to the bed, tangling his fingers in Zeke's shirt on the way down as to ensure the boy's closeness. Considering the situation, he was probably too complying, what with their current and terribly difficult relationship, but he really wasn't considering much of anything anymore, just simply taking in the sensations he was experiencing; the warm weight of Zeke's body on his own and the aggressive thrum of his heartbeat underneath his splayed fingers distracted him from more severe thoughts. He couldn't help but draw back for a moment and gasp and squirm at the want he felt settling in his groin, but only for a moment, as their kisses grew exceedingly intimate. Christian was quickly relearning the way his lover kissed, like the varying pressure he kept with his tongue, and the angle he had to tilt his head in order for their mouths to fit perfectly.

His hands had assumed submissive positions - one clutching the nape of Zeke's neck and the other pressed shakily to his chest - but they were soon wandering, skating down the boy's back and slipping underneath the thin t-shirt. Christian's smooth palms slipped over the muscles developed from years of karate as he pictured the lean, teenage six-pack and the various other assets hidden by clothing.

God, he'd missed it. He'd missed the touch, the heat, even the sensation of just being with someone so confidentially. In a moment of clearheadedness, a brief second of distinct thought, he wondered how he'd gone without it.


[short. blllleggghhhhhh]

[Zeke Nayakan]

((ooc- Good times. So, about my complete lack of inspiration… yeah.))

Zeke felt closer to Christian now than he ever had before. So it was true what they said; absence makes the heart grow fonder. He knew what he was doing was wrong. It was so completely and utterly wrong, but he found himself unwilling to end what had started. It would have been easier if Christian hadn’t seemed to be complying with every little move he made. If Christian had resisted, even the slightest bit, then he could have stopped this thing before it had started.

If, if, if. But all the ifs in the world couldn’t change what had already happened. He was consumed by longing. And then a thought suddenly occurred to him: what if this was a test? What if this was some sort of test, a test of his will, a test of his control. What if this was fate’s way of saying ‘Look, you have a good thing going for you, can you resist temptation to keep it?’. Because as much as he was in the moment, a tiny part of his mind kept coming back to Marcoh. It all kept coming back to Marcoh. Zeke had asked him out, after all, and now what was he doing? Turning around and making out with another guy. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

Damn. As his conscience started to win the battle that was going on inside of him, he felt himself slipping out of the moment. Damn! With Christian’s hands wandering around under his shirt, with the feeling of his soft hands against his own skin, it was going to be hard (hah, hard. You don’t know how difficult it is for me to not make a joke here). But Zeke knew what he had to do.

He pulled himself away slowly, trying to speak. “Christian, I…” “I can’t…” “This isn’t…” he said, each phrase being said in between another kiss. Finally, he tore himself away, propping himself above Christian with his elbows. “Christian, I can’t do this,” he said quickly, before he could change his mind. The regret was apparent in his eyes. “I…” Unable to finish, Zeke just sighed. He couldn’t come out and say it. After everything that had happened, he couldn’t say that there might be another guy in his life. It felt like betrayal, and Zeke hated himself for it.

[Christian Hart]

“Christian, I…I can’t… This isn’t…”

He heard the words, he wouldn't deny that, but he focused all his might on continuing their heated encounter nonetheless. Christian had become needy in his kisses, wanting nothing but to keep touching and tasting Zeke's lips on his own, anything that would help piece his broken and lonely existence back together again. And Zeke didn't really seem to want to part, could barely verbalize his protests, so he continued smothering the boy he loved with kisses until he finally pulled back, an overwhelming amount of regret in his eyes.

“Christian, I can’t do this,”

Now that they had stopped, he was forced to face the reality of what he'd done. It was embarrassing, to say the least, and he felt ashamed of the way he'd pushed himself onto Zeke despite the fact that he'd gone right along with it. Christian would have actually felt indignant if he hadn't been so vulnerable, pressed against the bedspread and half-aching for something he couldn't have.

His eyes watered at that thought, and he had to look away for a moment to catch his breath and any shred of composure he had left. His skin was still flushed and his arms were coated with goosebumps; he could have passed for feverish if he didn't already know that it was Zeke's doing. Zeke was the only one who could make him this flustered, whether it be from a kiss or a touch or just a simple look with those gorgeous, sable eyes.

Pulling himself back together, he looked up at the boy who still hovered above him and immediately knew there was something he had to ask, whether or not he wanted to or not. And god, he'd have rather gone celibate for the rest of his life than to have asked it. However, it seemed like the only way he'd find out for sure the true cause of the deep remorse in his expression.

Christian braced himself for the worst.

"Is it me? Or... is it.. someone else?"

[Zeke Nayakan]

Zeke could tell that Christian wanted this to work out between them again. He could tell from the desperation apparent in his every move, as well as the needy aura he was sensing through Christian’s actions. Unable to deny the fact that he wanted this to work as well, Zeke knew that he had to make a decision. He was glad that when he finally managed to pry himself away from the situation and unlock his lips from Christians that Christian, too, stopped himself from trying to continue on.

It took him a moment to catch his breath. Yes, as clichéd as it was, their brief physical encounter had left him completely breathless. That was how it had always been between them, though. The raw passion was exhilarating and Zeke found himself losing control of himself far too easily in Christian’s presence. He was the only person that Zeke had ever completely let down his guard around. He was the only person he’d ever felt so… so… comfortable around. Was he really willing to risk all of that because he’d fallen for some sophomore boy he barely knew? Who hadn’t even come out yet?

Zeke felt the betrayal radiating from him as Christian turned his head, unable to look him in the eyes for a moment or two. That action hurt him more than anything Christian could have said against him at that moment; knowing the hurt he was causing Christian hurt him twice as much in return.

"Is it me? Or... is it.. someone else?"

He wanted to tell him that he still loved him. That he’d always love him. But there was nothing he could say, no words he could find, to soften the blow of the truth. Of course, those things were true as well, but at the moment he feared they wouldn’t matter. It would seem almost demeaning to tell Christian that he’d always love him, but he thought he’d found someone else. They had been each other’s firsts… there was no way to break that bond. Surely, after an entire year apart, Christian would understand that he had gotten involved with someone else?

“It’s me,” he replied, still unable to come right out and say it. “This is all my fault. I… there’s this guy,” he managed. “He could never replace you, but…” Zeke tried to say, but found himself unable to continue due to a rather large lump which had formed in his throat. He knew that Christian would understand even without him continuing, though. But I’m not trying to replace you… he finished in his mind. You’ll always have a place in my heart, but it might be best if we move on. He knew that his eyes betrayed his words, and at that moment he was staring intently into Christian’s eyes.

Zeke had moved back more, so that Christian wasn’t pinned down against the bed and was free to move as he pleased, if he wanted to. It wasn’t fair to be saying this while his lover was trapped beneath him in a compromising position. This wasn’t at all how he had planned for this meeting to go…

[Christian Hart]

“It’s me. This is all my fault. I… there’s this guy... He could never replace you, but…”

As much as he had expected it, the fact that Zeke had moved on and found someone else - but someone who couldn't replace him, apparently - made him cringe with a jealousy and a sorrow he didn't want to acknowledge. His thoughts ran rampant, clashing with one another; some told him to let go entirely and others refused to see the end of them. He desperately tried to muster a sort of happiness he might've been able to express for his ex-lover's step in the right direction - that was, away from him. After all, he could practically feel the regret teeming from Zeke, and he knew that his intent was not a hurtful one. He was just as confused as Christian was, and this whole mess was making it worse.

But it still hurt. A lot. And not strictly because of guilt.

If they'd been less intimate during their relationship, Christian might not have realized that Zeke knew about his conflicted feelings, might have felt pure guilt about their scenario. But they'd known each other better than either of them had known anyone else, and Christian knew Zeke was well aware of the damage done by their kiss. Because of that, he felt a bit wronged by the response in this situation. He'd wanted it, more than anything, but he'd been counting on Zeke to be stronger, to push him away the way he needed to be.

Still, he wasn't about to blame this on Zeke. No, he'd brought this upon himself, and now he had to deal with it.

Christian was good at lying - he'd kept up a straight, well-balanced facade every day for the past year - but Zeke always seemed to be able to read him every time, so he didn't even bother to hide his grimace.

"I already told you, I... it doesn't..." he began, trying to formulate his thoughts into words he wouldn't regret, "It can't work. I know, I know, and I did a stupid thing and I'm sorry. I didn't mean... no, I did mean it, but it was a mistake. I understand you need to move on, I do. Just... please, Zeke. Don't... don't let me hope."

Christian said that last bit with a bit of a rasp to his voice and a gaze he couldn't place on Zeke.

[Zeke Nayakan]

Zeke couldn’t begin to imagine what Christian must have been thinking. He blamed himself for everything that had happened up until this point and for everything that would happen as a result. He had gotten caught up in the moment and he had loved every minute of it as it was happening. Now that the moment was over, however, he was suffering from such an overwhelmingly large amount of guilt that he didn’t know what to do.

No, he realized, that was a lie. He did know what he had to do. Perhaps, in the depths of his subconscious, he had always known. Fate was a funny thing, and the web that it wove out of the different choices and decisions in each individuals life had such an impact upon those neighboring webs that he found it hard to so much as think something without wondering how it would affect Christian at this point. Destiny is everything, he remembered reading recently. If that was true, if destiny had led him thus far, then perhaps he was just responding do something he had no control over anyway. Destiny had taken Christian to the pizza shop the other day, but Destiny had also taken Zeke to Marcoh’s house to drop off that book. At this moment, Zeke sort of loathed Destiny, Fate, and anything else that may have played a part in making his life so damned difficult.

“I already told you, I... it doesn't..."

The grimace on Christian’s face was enough for Zeke. No words were necessary for him to know what his once lover, now ex, was thinking, feeling, and about to say. Drowning in his own misery, Ezekiel’s mind was in complete despair as he watched Christian suffer through his emotions, choosing his words carefully. The situation was delicate, and Zeke got the impression that if one wrong word was uttered, one false move was made, then the whole thing would shatter into a million pieces that could never be put back together again. Perhaps it was already too late.

"It can't work. I know, I know, and I did a stupid thing and I'm sorry. I didn't mean... no, I did mean it, but it was a mistake. I understand you need to move on, I do. Just... please, Zeke. Don't... don't let me hope."

Wow. Zeke sat there for a moment, unable to do that statement justice through a half-hearted apologetic response.

“You don’t ever have to apologize to me for anything,” Zeke said ardently. “Least of all for this. It was as much my doing as it was yours.” That was the truth, and neither boy could deny it. “But you’re right. It can’t work now, just like it couldn’t before. I was foolish to lose myself in that moment, but… everything just felt so right, and for a moment I forgot about the circumstances,” Zeke stopped, making sure he didn’t start fumbling over his words. So far he had managed to continue speaking with comprehensive words and phrases, all strung together to make intelligent sentences. No need to start bumbling like an idiot now.

“It can’t work,” he repeated, getting his mind back on track. “You’ll just get in trouble again. You’ll have all of your freedoms stripped, privileges taken away, and I couldn’t stand to watch that happen all over again. You deserve better than a life like that.”

So this was it. After so long, such a period of limbo, of waiting, of unsure hesitation… it all came down to this moment. Would they still be friends? Could they? Zeke waited to see if Christian had anything left to say, or if it was best that Zeke take his cue to exit, feeling as though he had overstayed his welcome.

[Christian Hart]

“You don’t ever have to apologize to me for anything, least of all for this. It was as much my doing as it was yours. But you’re right. It can’t work now, just like it couldn’t before. I was foolish to lose myself in that moment, but… everything just felt so right, and for a moment I forgot about the circumstances."

Nodding, Christian looked down at the fingers that he'd been twiddling in his lap.

"I did too... it felt right, better than right. I wished it wouldn't end. Until I remembered that..."

“It can’t work. You’ll just get in trouble again. You’ll have all of your freedoms stripped, privileges taken away, and I couldn’t stand to watch that happen all over again. You deserve better than a life like that.”

Christian donned a pleading look and sighed, shaking his head as he reached out to embrace Zeke. His arms settled comfortably around the older boy's torso and he buried his face in the soft fabric of his t-shirt. It was a tender gesture, not one of passion, but of nostalgia and sentiment. This was appearing to be their last encounter, at least their last physical one, and Christian wanted to touch Zeke one last time, if only as a parting action. While it was sad to think like that, Christian had realized that it was the path they were destined for, whether or not his heart accepted it.

"No, Zeke. Understand... this isn't just you or me. It's us... we've hit a spot where it's either happiness or being together. And when it's so dangerous, we've got to do what's best for the both of us - setting our relationship aside. I won't lie; it's something I don't want to do. I don't want this to end... but I know that this will become a self-sacrificial relationship where neither of us will be happy. That's something neither of us deserves. We both deserve happiness - we both deserve better lives."

Now that he'd laid his heart on the line, he couldn't help but a shed a few tears. They weren't large or messy, just sad and caused by the sudden reality check this had become.

And how sudden it was.


[ewwwwwwwwwwwwww]

[Zeke Nayakan]

"I did too... it felt right, better than right. I wished it wouldn't end. Until I remembered that..."

Why did this have to be so difficult? And by this, Zeke was pretty sure that he was mentally referring to life in general. Things should have been easy for him at this stage of his life. He was eighteen years old, a time of being carefree and enjoying the perks of being a legal adult. He should have been at home, playing video games and drinking soda. Not here, with his lover – Jesus, the word sounded so formal – discussing their future together. Not here, living with the fear that if he raised his voice just the slightest bit more his parents would come in here, or call the cops on him. This was something serious he’d gotten himself involved in, but he had done it willingly and he realized that if given the chance he would’ve done it all over again.

Yes, that was what he realized just then that he had a flash of insight; he wouldn’t trade his experience with Christian for anything. The good and the bad, even the time they were apart. It seemed like no matter what happened, it had been the most important thing to have ever happened to him, and he could only hope that the two of them would still be speaking when the whole thing was over.

He hoped that Christian’s gentle embrace was a sign that things would turn out alright between the two of them, despite the complications that had arisen. Zeke lifted his arms to wrap them around Christian, slowly moving them up and down his back; the action wasn’t sensual but comforting. The embrace, was soft, sweet, and short-lived. The weight of the situation wasn’t lost on him; Zeke was all too aware of the fact that this may have been the last physical moment the two of them shared.

"No, Zeke. Understand... this isn't just you or me. It's us... we've hit a spot where it's either happiness or being together. And when it's so dangerous, we've got to do what's best for the both of us - setting our relationship aside. I won't lie; it's something I don't want to do. I don't want this to end... but I know that this will become a self-sacrificial relationship where neither of us will be happy. That's something neither of us deserves. We both deserve happiness - we both deserve better lives."[/i]

Zeke opened and closed his mouth a few times, subtly. That was one of the reasons he’d fallen in love with Christian in the first place. He was always so rational, and so honest. He knew exactly what he wanted and how to say what he felt. Some small part of him was noticing that he was, in essence, the exact opposite of Marcoh, but that part of him was easily overpowered by the much larger part of him which was dealing with his current situation.

“You’re right. Just like always,” he added, with the slightest bit of a laugh to his voice. Christian had always been the reasonable one. “You know, you’ve really got a way with words,” he said, trying to distract himself from the seriousness of Christian’s words so that he didn’t start to get emotional. In theory, the two of them had been separated for about a year. The reality was that they’d never officially broken up, which was what seemed to be happening now.

“I guess this is it, then. We have to do what’s best, even if neither of us like what that is. I don’t want this to end either, but I’m afraid that it has to. We’re out of options. I wish things could have turned out… differently.”


((lame, at least in comparison to what I’ve been writing, but meh. I was bound to hit a slump eventually… So, I’m thinking they hear a noise in the hallway and he has to leave now, because I’m running out of things to say. *sigh*)) ((Typing with just my middle finger on my right hand, this took, like FOREVER to type!))

[Christian Hart]

“You’re right. Just like always... You know, you’ve really got a way with words."


Christian smiled briefly. That was typical Zeke, trying to lighten the mood. Not that Christian didn't appreciate it; he just realized it would be one of the many things he'd miss about Zeke - and there were many.

“I guess this is it, then. We have to do what’s best, even if neither of us like what that is. I don’t want this to end either, but I’m afraid that it has to. We’re out of options. I wish things could have turned out… differently.”

"So do-"

The rattle of keys and the slam of a door stunned Christian mid-sentence and he leaped up from the bed as if it burned him, turning towards Zeke with fretful eyes.

"Oh god- you've got to go! If they catch you-!" he whispered fearfully, not even wanting to finish the thought. The danger of the situation had jolted him out of their touching moment, and Christian soon had Zeke by the hand and rushed him over to the window, trying to open it quickly and quietly at the same time. His hands shook tremendously; he could barely open the window. The power Christian's parents had over him, he realized at that moment, was absolutely amazing and completely terrifying.


[okay, so it's short and pretty lame, but at least our plot is starting!]

[Zeke Nayakan]

That brief smile that had graced Christian’s features was enough to make Zeke give a genuine smile. He was going to miss this more than he was willing to admit to himself. Then again, soon Christian would be going off to college, so would he, and perhaps the two of them would meet again. Perhaps life after high school held the opportunity for them to be friends again. Only time would tell.

"So do-"

Christian broke off abruptly, but Zeke understood why. He had heard the car door slam shut, signifying the fact that Christian’s mom was home. She would probably come right up to his room first, to check on him. Christian’s face donned a panicked, petrified look that caused Zeke to laugh a little.

"Oh god- you've got to go! If they catch you-!"

Christian had grabbed his hand and was dragging him over to the window. “So eager to get rid of me?” he asked, smiling at Christian as they silently slid open the door. Zeke tried not to let the panic get to him; the danger only made this all the more exciting. The perfect ending to their last encounter. “Until we meet again,” he said, as he swung his legs outside onto the branch and disappeared into the leaves.

Zeke heard the window shut and lock as he slowly made his way down through the thick branches. He carefully lowered himself onto the ground after looking around, making sure no one could see him. Then he stepped into the open to make his way home.

[Christian Hart]

“Until we meet again,”

Christian let those hopeful words echo in his head a moment as he watched Zeke's descent, smiling anxiously to himself before he closed the window and secured the lock. Looking around his room, he felt like he had to move or yell or cry or do something to exert the plethora of emotions he'd mostly taken with a stiff upper lip. Running a hand through his hair, he looked around again, as if expecting something to happen, and stormed out of his room when nothing did. Taking the long hallway in quiet, quick strides, Christian ducked into the bathroom and stood in front of the sink, looking at his partially blotched face. Looking upset wouldn't due to convince his parents he was just studying, so he turned on the faucet and let it run, leaning down to splash some water onto against his flushed skin. It was frigid, but it felt good, and he repeated the action again before turning the knob to its off position and reaching for a fluffed hand towel.

"Christian? Where are you?" came his mother's voice, high pitched in its inquiry. The boy in question turned toward the door and listened to footsteps that had climbed the stairs wander down the hall to his room and back again.

"I'm in the bathroom." Christian answered quietly, imagining the quiet sigh of relief his mother would give.

"Oh, alright then, don't be too long then. Do you know where your father is?"

"No." he replied, a hint of bitterness to his voice as he understood the meaning in her first statement. He hated it, hated the implications and the accusations that enveloped his life. It couldn't go on like this.

Christian's grip on the counter weakened and he slowly slid to the tiled floor, putting a hand to his mouth to silence the sobs that had begun to wrack his body. His composure was shot to pieces by now, but he didn't care. Let his parents hear him cry, let them know the pain their cage had caused. They wouldn't care. They never did.


[crap, crap, crap, and utter crap.]

[Kirkland Hart]

Kirkland watched the boy sneak into his son's room with a steely glare and a crushing grip on the rake he'd been using. He'd known that it would happen again, that that faggot would worm his way back into their lives again, and the time had come. Of course, his first instinct was to run into the house and throw Zeke out, but he had a better idea.

He would wait. He would let the kid think he'd been sneaky enough to get away with trespassing into their lives again. So he did, and once Zeke had descended from the tree, he knew it was time to end his and Christian's perverted relationship once and for all.

Clutching the rake decisively, Kirkland stalked out from around the corner with quick and determined steps, approaching from behind. He attempted it quietly, but stepped on a few leaves he'd yet to gather, causing him to start in a dash. The asian turned at the last moment to face the oncoming noise, but not quickly enough to avoid the steel prongs that caught the side of his face. Kirkland made sure the boy was stunned enough before he dropped the rake and grabbed Zeke's collar, yanking it roughly against his neck.

"I thought it was made perfectly clear," he spat, voice low and terse, "that you were never to come near this house again, you fucking faggot."

[Zeke Nayakan]

Ezekiel hoped that Christian wasn’t too flustered back up in his room. If he gave anything away… well, Zeke didn’t want to think about what his parents would do if they figured out that he had been there. The last thing Christian needed in his life was drama with his parents. They seemed to be trusting him again. They let him go out on his own, they were letting him stay home alone as well. Granted, these were things that most teenagers could do normally, but for Christian’s possessive and overprotective parents this was a huge step in the right direction.

He brushed himself off as he left the shade of the tree, covered in dirt and leaves from his climb. He needed to walk home yet, and he didn’t want to look too dirty when he got home. He was brushing himself off when he heard a noise behind him. Footsteps? But surely nobody had seen him-

The thought was cut off as he turned slightly, just barely caught sight of Christian’s father, Kirkland Hart, coming at him with a rake. He saw the attack coming but couldn’t move fast enough to block it. The cold, steely blades caught the left side of his face, breaking his soft skin and leaving deep scratches. It had caught his left eye and he could feel it swelling a little and watering to the point where he couldn’t see out of it. The immediate swelling of his eye matched the swelling of the scratches on his face, two of which were bleeding all the way down. Thankfully, the right side of his face was untouched.

Before he could retaliate Kirkland grabbed him by the collar, choking him slightly.

"I thought it was made perfectly clear that you were never to come near this house again, you fucking faggot."

Zeke had many thoughts just then. He debated fighting back. He thought about retaliating verbally. He finally considered not saying anything. Maybe if he was silent then the beating would be short and sweet.

“Sorry,” he muttered, his breathing strained. “Must’ve misunderstood you last time.”

Zeke had a determined look on his face… well, at least, it was as determined as someone who just got raked could look. He braced himself for whatever would come next, as he couldn’t fight back from the position he was in.

"What do you want from me?"

((ooc- ugg. Crap, but it's better than nothing.

[Kirkland Hart]

“Sorry... Must’ve misunderstood you last time. What do you want from me?"

Kirkland held Zeke's gaze with a furious stare, watching him feign ignorance with increasing fury. How dare the little bastard ask what he wanted - it'd been obvious the moment he'd touched Christian, and had even reached a pinnacle when they'd been caught together. Just the thought of the boy in his grasp with his son made him wretch.

Gripping tighter, he pulled back with his other arm and jabbed Zeke hard in the abdomen, releasing him after he did. Whether or not the boy fell at this point, he didn't care.

"I want you to go back to the crack in hell you came from and stay the fuck away from our lives, arrogant son-of-a-bitch. I want you to take your disgusting lifestyle and keep it away from our family. And I want you, most of all, to burn in hell."